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Section: relationships

Dear Ann Landers,
My wife, age 52, was diagnosed with kidney cancer three years ago and had a kidney surgically removed. Thankfully, her doctors managed to get it in time, and "Mildred" recovered beautifully. When Mildred returned home from the hospital, she began to see a psychologist who recommended she contact a man in our town who had had a similar operation and could act as a mentor. My wife called "Harry" and invited him to our home. He was 48, divorced, warm and outgoing, and owned a prosperous business. Harry visited Mildred occasionally, and they discussed how best to cope with kidney disease, whether vitamins were helpful, and so on. A few weeks later, Mildred purchased a cellphone and had the monthly bill forwarded to her place at work. I never heard her phone conversations, nor did I see the bills, but I did question her about having the bills forwarded to her office. When she confessed that she did not want me to see her personal calls, I decided to investigate. I learned that Mildred made 120 calls to Harry on her cellphone. She called him morning, noon and night, every day of the week. Three calls were made from out of state while she was visiting our son. When I confronted Mildred about all these calls, she said, "Harry is my friend. I needed him. He saved my life. His voice gives me strength." Later, I found a note written in her shorthand. I asked her to read it to me, but she refused, so I had the note translated by a professional. It said, "I can't see you anymore. I have a husband. You knew that from the beginning." What do you make of this? -- East-Coaster

Dear East-Coaster,
No mystery here. Harry and Mildred have been getting together. Mildred telling Harry that she can't see him anymore indicates that she is ending the relationship. Her saying "You knew I had a husband from the beginning" is interesting. She knew it, too, so there is plenty of blame to go around. Apparently, whatever was going on is over, so forgive and forget.

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Elli's Comment
Forgive and forget, move on with life - couldn't agree more. Life is fast and furious, coming at you from all directions. As humans, we break under distress. We overlook the needs of the dear ones and their instincts for bonding, an aspect sometimes we cannot provide for, adequately. Celebrate our blessings. Don't beat yourself up. Don't judge the missteps of others. Overcome with your own greatness to show that you really are there for your loved ones.
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, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
-Ann Landers