Dear Margo, I plan to be married in a few months and need some advice. My fiancé and I have been together for almost seven years and have all the appliances and accessories we need to furnish our new apartment. We could use some furniture, however, and are now in the process of looking at chairs, tables and so on. Several friends and relatives have let us know they want to give us a shower or a party. We really don't need presents. We would be thrilled if they would give us money so we could buy furniture. Is there a polite way we could ask for money instead of a shower or wedding gift without looking tacky? - Broke in Mississippi
Dear Broke, If you have a close relationship with aunts, uncles or cousins and they ask, "What do you NEED?" it would be OK to say, "We have everything we need except furniture and are now looking at several pieces. If you'd like to give us a check to help furnish our apartment, that would be wonderful." I know of no polite way to ask friends or relatives who want to give you a shower or wedding gift to give you money instead.
Dear Broke, Happily for you, and many other couples starting out, there are now registries for gifts of cash for honeymoons, furniture, for whatever you want. Giving cash has been traditional in many foreign countries for a long time. It is comparatively new in this country. When people ask what you'd like, or where you're registered, just cough up the name of the registry you've chosen. - Margo
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:
Dear Readers, , My x-girlfriend who lived with my son and I for 16 years died of cancer. Prior before we knew she had cancer-she moved out because of an addiction problem. We did stay very close before she died. Her x-husband an attorney took over her finances and the burial arrangements. I being financially set was okay with that, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.