Dear Margo, I just turned 25, and my mother is trying to marry me off to the son of one of her friends. I have an excellent job and am not worried about being unattached. I don't date much, which is OK for now. My mother told her friend which days I had off so her son could see me. He called my mother, and she set up a lunch date for next week. Of course, I have to go.
My mother has talked about my dating situation with my aunt and my sister, and now, I am beginning to feel pressured on all sides. I tried to explain to Mom how demeaning this is, but she became hostile and said she is only trying to help me. Don't get me wrong, Ann. I love my mother, and we get along fine, but this is more than I can take.
My mother is desperate for me to get married, but I'm not interested in wedding bells at this point in my life. Even if the guy turns out to be great, I still resent my mother's maneuvering. What can I do about this galling situation? -- Oahu Mess
Dear Oahu, You can tell your mother you do not want her to arrange any more dates and that if she tries, you will refuse to go. Then, keep your word.
Dear Oahu, You can tell your mother you do not want her to arrange any more dates and that if she tries, you will refuse to go. Then, keep your word. You also might try to help her understand that it is not organic for parents to set their children up if the young people are not asking for these introductions. Tell her if she is sincere in wanting to help you, she will respect your wishes and the pace at which you are comfortable going. Try to remember this, though, when you feel ready: a few marriages have taken place when two mothers got together... - Margo
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
A mother choosing a mate for her child is outdated. This 25 year old seems to have no problem making decisions of her own. Getting married is not the "validation" it once was. Some people marry late or not at all because- it's their choice. Mom needs a new hobby!
My mother was the same way. Come to think of it, so was my father. They wanted me to marry while I was in college or directly thereafter. I made it clear that I might marry someday, but not any time soon.
Call the man, explain that your mother wants you to find a husband and she has her sights on him. Ask him if he is interested in a platonic friendship. If he is, fine, meet him. If not, let him gracefully bow out. No, at 25, you do not "have to" do what your mother says.
You DON'T have to go, so say that to your mother and don't go. No discussion; just don't do it.
You are legally an adult, and you don't have to do ANYTHING your mother says, so don't do it. No discussion; just don't do it.
Please share your comments below:
Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:
Dear Readers, , whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.