Dear Ann Landers,
hen I was first married, I used to clear my throat to get the attention of my in-laws. I didn't want to call them Mom and Dad, or Mother and Father, and I wouldn't have dared to call them by their first names. When I did use "Mom" and "Dad," I was very uncomfortable, even though I liked them both a. great deal. But they were not my parents, and I kept searching (without success) for a name that would identify them properly and show love as well. Now, we have a son-in-law who calls my husband and me by our first names and another son-in-law who calls us "Mr. and Mrs." We are not happy with either. The first is too chummy, and the second is too formal. Every in-law we have talked to feels as we do except a few people who don't mind being called by their first names. Do you have a solu-tion to this age-old dilemma? -Nameless and Placeless

Dear N. and P.,
In the absence of an ideal salutation (which I am unable to produce), I suggest that each family make up their own. In my own dear family, all four sons-in-law called my father "Mr. A.B." (the initials of his first and middle name). It was the perfect solution. Did you know that when sisters marry, the husbands of said sisters are not even remotely related? YU bet you thought the boys were brothers-in-law. Well, so did I-but I know better now. Dozens of readers have told me. I will explain it as it was explained to me: Princess Margaret is a sister-in-law to Prince Philip, because she is his wife's sister. But Margaret's husband, Anthony Armstrong-Jones, is no rela-tion whatever to Prince Philip. They are just a couple of nice boys who mar-ried sisters. Figuring out how family members are related is the least of in-law prob-lems. As every couple knows, in-laws can boost or bust a relationship. Eight Ways In-laws Can Break Up a Marriage When a son or daughter lets you know he or she plans to marry, show open hostility to the person of his or her choice. After all, marriage means less love and attention for parents, and they have a right to resent it. Expect your married children to spend every Sunday and holiday at your home. Act hurt if they have other plans. If your married children have problems with their mates, encourage them fo come home to you. Let them know your home is still theirs, no matter what. Listen attentively to all complaints and point out additional faults that may have gone unobserved. Remember, one drop of water after another can wear away a rock. If your married children are having financial problems, rush in with the checkbook. If you are having financial problems yourself, bor-row if necessary, but let them know they will never have to do with-out anything as long as you are around. If a married child has a drinking problem, keep telling him his mate drove him to it. It will make him feel better. Everyone needs some-one to blame. If your married child gets an opportunity for advancement that takes him to another city, tell him family life is more important than money, and if he leaves, God will punish him for not obeying the commandment "Honor thy father and thy mother." If there are grandchildren, smother them with gifts. If the parents object, tell them to keep out of it. After all, grandchildren are to spoil. Sneak money to the kids secretly if you have to. They'll love you for it. If your married child has a difference of opinion with his mate, get into the act and fan the flame. Family loyalty is a beautiful thing. If you work at it, you can turn a minor argument into a major hassle and break up the marriage.