Dear Ann Landers,
need some help and I need it fast. Whenever I say to my thirteen-year-old, "That's enough TV, go do your homework," my husband yells, "Stop nagging the boy." When I tell my ten-year-old to go back upstairs and wash his neck, his dad shouts, "Don't be such a perfectionist. He's clean enough." Yesterday, my eleven-year-old came to the breakfast table in soiled trousers and a wrinkled shirt which he had worn for two days. I told him to change his clothes. His dad chimed in, "The boy looks all right. Stop picking on him." The kids get the idea I'm a witch left over from Halloween and their dad is a saint. What can I do?-De-fenseless

Dear D.,
The kids are smarter than you think. And they'll get smarter as time goes on. Children want discipline. It gives them a feeling of security. Your husband is deceiving himself if he thinks they'll love him for his leniency. He may appear to be winning the popularity contest on the home front, but in the long run he will lose out completely.