Dear Ann Landers,
am about to bail out of a five-year marriage to a woman I love a great deal. The problem-my sister-in-law. A year and a half ago, my wife's sister, "Rose," was widowed. Her husband was killed in a car accident. They had no children. Since that 28 / ANN LANDERS unfortunate event, Rose has been with us for dinner almost every night and on weekends. She goes with us on vacations and to social events to which she is not invited, but my wife gets her included. I do not dislike my sister-in-law, but I am tired of having her around. My wife knows how I feel, but she says Rose needs her now and she can't let her down. When I suggested that she (my wife) talk to a coun-selor about this unusual attachment, she flatly refused and called me crazy. Last night, I told her I was seriously considering divorce because of her sister's constant presence. She slammed the bedroom door in my face. I slept on the couch. Am I selfish, as my wife claims? I cannot bear the thought of living like this for the rest of my life. Please advise.

Dear E.B.,
Your wife's devotion to her sister is admirable, but when it begins to threaten her marriage and she refuses to do anything about it, the situation requires a closer look. Now is the time to find out if your wife prefers her sister's company to yours. I suggest that the two of you make an appointment with a marriage counselor and determine if your marriage is worth saving. If your wife refuses to go, go yourself and get some professional advice. De^r Ann Landers: I am married to a kind, considerate, thought-ful man. It's the second marriage for both "Ben" and me. We are in our 50s. Ben's children are in their 20s. He has given them cars and paid their golf fees, and he continues to hand over spending money and buy them luxuries. Nobody works. They are all in college (for which their father pays, of course). When I point out that his kids are taking advantage of him, Ben be-comes sullen and uncommunicative. Our marriage would be perfect if it weren't for this problem. What should I do? -Clear View Dear Clear: Lay off. Your husband knows you are right, but he can't help himself. His relationship with his children was established before he met you. The principal reason for the failure of second marriages is kids. So watch it, dear, lest you become a statistic. The Re si ii Ann Landers