Dear Ann Landers, lost my wife of 38 years, the love of my life, to cancer, and now I feel that her death was my fault. Years ago, she had a bruise on her breast that would not go away, but she refused to see a doctor. After a while, the skin on her breast took on a thick "orange peel" appearance. Despite my pleading, she would not see her doctor about it. More time passed. She started leaning against walls in order to navigate and thought it was probably an inner-ear infection. She agreed to see the doctor for an antibiotic. After many tests, the doctor determined she had multiple brain tumors that had metastasized from breast cancer. I'm convinced that if I had dragged my wife to a doctor when I found out the bruise wouldn't go away, the cancer might have been controllable. Because of neglect, my wife went through two years of radiation and chemotherapy -- all the while wondering when the inevitable would occur. We spent that time traveling and doing things we had always wanted to do together. When we returned from Hawaii last August, my wife began to deteriorate. Caring for her those last few weeks and watching her slip away was a nightmare. I beg your readers to see a doctor immediately if they detect a bruise that won't go away or if they find a lump or a mole anywhere. Because we waited too long, I lost my lover, my wife and my pal.
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:
Dear Readers, , absolutely nothing is to be done to keep me alive. There will be no “heroic measures” or forced feeding. I make these wishes known before getting into the legal gobbledygook, thus reliev-ing my family of these decisions. My body will be donated to the Uni-versity of Washington School of Medicine. It is then to be cremated. There will be no funeral. The reasons for all this planning? My parents lived into their 90s in-dependently in their own home, with Mother failing, but Dad able to care for her. When Dad had a stroke at the age I am now, my brother, who had power of attorney, put them both in a good nursing home with private room and bath. Dad hated the home and flushed his meals down the toilet. He died 18 months later. Soon after, Mother got pneumonia and had no will to live. Heroic measures were employed, and they brought her back to life. She lived three more years, helpless, flat on her back in the nurs-ing home she hated! My hearing is poor. I walk with a cane. I am a bit forgetful but still live alone. When I can no longer do that, I want to die. No one looks forward to death, but it is as natural as birth, and I believe most of us prefer it to being a burden. Don’t you? -P.T.M., Seattle, Wash.
"At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other."
