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Section: relationships

Dear Ann Landers,
So now I'm a prostitute-according to you. In a recent column you said, "When sex is used by a wife as payment for favors and is withheld as punishment, it places the marriage at the level of prostitution." What else can a woman do when sex is her only effective weapon? I've been married to this character for eighteen years, and it's the only approach that works. My husband's income exceeds $40,000 a year. Every woman I know gets an allowance but me. My husband doesn't believe a wife needs an allowance. He says, "What for? You're home all day." The only way I can get any money out of him is to nail him when he's in an amorous mood. Now, do you blame me?--The Professional Amateur

Dear Amateur,
If this has been going on for eighteen years, you aren't going to change it. A bouquet of skunk cabbage to your husband for reducing you to such a level.

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A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!

Mary's Comment
Oh, Dearest! If sex is your only weapon, you are a very under-developed female. There are many other feminine charms as important, and longer -lasting too. Become a good conversationalist. Listen to his every word when he talks about work, or his day. Read, to enlarge your own intelligence and you will be able to increase his knowledge base. You will both become more interesting people. Be good ways. Make a cherry pie or some new curtains. A man likes to come home to a clean, cozy home. Agree on a budget, and demand a joint checking account. Get a job, it will give you a say in how the family money is spent. You are only treated as well as you expect and believe that you deserve. The guy will either shape up to keep his exciting wife, or he really is a bum, and you will dump him. Your choice!!

Save Yourself's Comment
Get a job and start making your own money.

Reader Comment
I doubt very much if any additional measures will change that creep of a husband. What is wrong with this woman that she can't make a living on her own and divorce the creep? She is wasting her life with him. Dump the garbage with the rest of it on garbage pick up day. Men are dirt!

Reader Comment
I totally agree with the reader comment to dump the garbage (husband). Sex was the only thing my husband wanted and it began to disgust me because that was his primary and only interest in me. Yes, men are dirt and should be shoveled and used for planting.

Reader Comment
Love save oneself comment Get a Job

Debra's Comment
Oh WOW!!! Bake a cherry pie, make some new curtains - HOW degrading!!!!!! D-I-V-O-R-C-E!!!!!!!!!!!

Reader Comment
Good Lord. 40K is not an income that can support a household AND provide a decent allowance. How about you get off your keister and get a paying job to help out?

Reader Comment
The big question is: Why does she remain with him? I agree with Ann--this is prostitution.
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:

Dear Readers,
, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"Sensual pleasures have the fleeting brilliance of a comet; a happy marriage has the tranquillity of a lovely sunset."
-Ann Landers