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Section: relationships, behavior, marriage, mental-health
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
Two weeks ago, when I came home from the supermarket, I found a note from my husband saying there was too much pressure in his life and he needed to get away. I immediately checked our bedroom and found that all his clothes were gone. A few days later, I learned he already had another apartment and a new phone number, which proved he had been planning his escape for quite some time. I had an awful feeling of betrayal when I realized that the person I had been sleeping next to for so many years would plan to sneak off and leave me without saying a word. The note he left said he would contact me in a few days. It has been nearly a week, and I haven't heard from him. My friends tell me I should phone him and find out exactly what he has in mind, but I don't want to do that. After all, he is the one who left, and I think he should make the first move. Please give me some advice. -- Confused in the Midwest

Dear Midwest,
Don't rush. Let the dust settle. Wait another week. If you don't hear anything by then, call and tell him you need to know what his plans are so you can make yours. You gave me no clue as to your age, how long you have been married or what your financial status is. If I knew more about your situation, I could be more helpful. Good luck.



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Comments:

A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!

Celia's Comment
I am reluctant to make this situation worse, but the writer should prepare herself for the possibility (probability) that hubby has a new love interest. This would speak to the 'stress' he has been under - living a double life. Before she contacts the runaway hubby, call a lawyer who specializes in family law. If hubby had planned his departure so well, it's a safe bet that the finances/bank accounts have also been 'adjusted'.

Maryann's Comment
I would run, NOT walk, to the best attorney you can find to protect yourself financially. I would also empty the bank accounts and open new ones in your name only. Hopefully, he has not already done this. Protect yourself!

Gia's Comment
Look into your finances!!!... bank account and savings!!! When he left you did he take some parting gifts????

gretchen blue's Comment
I agree with Celia. If he's made such a strategic move, he has probably adjusted the accounts.

Reader Comment
Contact him and see if you both can go for counseling.

Janice's Comment
The letter writer has no more right to "empty the bank accounts" than her husband does.

Mary's Comment
Lady!! Go immediately to your banks and check any joint accounts you have. Take exactly half out of each account, and reopen an account in your name only. Check on the location of your jewelry and other items of value and secure them. Locate necessary documents such as house deed, auto titles, and get to an attorney. You need to find out now how to protect your finances, because the Mister most likely has a new lady, and he won’t be able to support two households for long. If you have children with him, even more important to get maintenance and child support set up. Time is of the essence. Protect your interests!

Mart's Comment
Shanika, run for your life!! Your Dr Ogunda is either a myth or a thief.

Reader Comment
if you still love him then by all means because you changed your life

lina gray's Comment
Help me thank DR.BALBOSA for helping me get my ex husband back to me and my family. This great powerful spiritual man restored my sorrow to happiness. My husband left me some years ago for another woman and they both planned to get married. I am so surprised he just came back to me one cool afternoon on Saturday June, begging and crying for me to take him back and to forgive him for breaking up our marriage home and forsaking me and the children. DR.BALBOSA is a true spiritualist savior . He brought my husband back” if you have any worries or you have any problem in your marriages or relationships you can reach him via: WEBSIT: https://balbosasolutionhome.com and whatspp details : 1-206 485 3691 Have a lovely day

lina gray's Comment
Help me thank DR.BALBOSA for helping me get my ex husband back to me and my family. This great powerful spiritual man restored my sorrow to happiness. My husband left me some years ago for another woman and they both planned to get married. I am so surprised he just came back to me one cool afternoon on Saturday June, begging and crying for me to take him back and to forgive him for breaking up our marriage home and forsaking me and the children. DR.BALBOSA is a true spiritualist savior . He brought my husband back” if you have any worries or you have any problem in your marriages or relationships you can reach him via: WEBSIT: https://balbosasolutionhome.com and whatspp details : 1-206 485 3691 Have a lovely day

Joy's Comment
Gee this sounds all to familiar. My husband left me with a 2 and 6 year old. He said exactly the same thing. I was just to young to see all the danger signs of a selfish person. I found out 2 years later he left for another women. It was heartbreaking. Once confronted and he knew that I was aware of her, he wanted to come back home. During our time apart I found out who I was. Well truth be told, once a cheater always a cheater. I moved on and we divorced. The most interesting thing is the x kept coming back and trying to regenerate our relationship. He's been married 4 times total and always had another women on the side in which case that's where he wanted me also. Remarried a wonderful man who was so intelligent and interesting and remained faithful for 40 years. We traveled, danced all over globe and had a wonderful life together. He became the father image my kids loved and respected. x missed out on a lot.

Joy's Comment
Gee this sounds all to familiar. My husband left me with a 2 and 6 year old. He said exactly the same thing. I was just to young to see all the danger signs of a selfish person. I found out 2 years later he left for another women. It was heartbreaking. Once confronted and he knew that I was aware of her, he wanted to come back home. During our time apart I found out who I was. Well truth be told, once a cheater always a cheater. I moved on and we divorced. The most interesting thing is the x kept coming back and trying to regenerate our relationship. He's been married 4 times total and always had another women on the side in which case that's where he wanted me also. Remarried a wonderful man who was so intelligent and interesting and remained faithful for 40 years. We traveled, danced all over globe and had a wonderful life together. He became the father image my kids loved and respected. x missed out on a lot.

Lene's Comment
Hubby is not trustworthy or respectful. No reason or excuse needed. Though it is hard, move on and stay strong. It will get better with time.
 
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:


Dear Readers,
, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife."
-Ann Landers