Dear Ann Landers, My husband and I have been married for 30 years. He is Italian, and I am Canadian. I speak only English. Whenever we are with my mother-in-law, she and my husband speak nothing but Italian.
My husband doesn't see anything wrong with this, even though I am left totally out of the conversation. He says the language is part of his heritage and it makes his mother happy. I would be more understanding if my mother-in-law could not speak English, but she speaks it very well.
When our children were growing up, I never made an issue of it because I wanted the children to feel close to their grandparents, but now, it is bothering me to no end. I feel completely excluded and avoid being with just the two of them. I say they are terribly rude. What do you say? -- Excluded and Offended
Dear Ex., I think you should have learned to speak Italian a long time ago. Get some elementary Italian grammar books at the public library, and ask your husband to help you. Start practicing with him. I'll bet he will be pleased, and your mother-in-law will be astonished.
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
There's another layer of something going on with that couple. Learning to speak Italian may result in a pause, but the husband and his mother are going out of their way to exclude the wife--why?
Jean kennedy live's Comment
I think Mothers
always want a special part of their sons attention This maybe her way of doing that. I am sure after 30 years you have picked enough of their language to know if they are disrespecting you. Do you love your husband then ignore them and find a way to make yourself happy. Find peace within yourself and try to enjoy them the best way you can. On the other hand if you don't love him anymore just tell him how you feel and let the chips fall where they may, He should have spoken up long before now on the other hand you could have spoken up also. There seem to be something else going on but you find a way to be happy.
Make plans for yourself and let them enjoy each other's company
Please share your comments below:
Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:
Dear Readers, , My x-girlfriend who lived with my son and I for 16 years died of cancer. Prior before we knew she had cancer-she moved out because of an addiction problem. We did stay very close before she died. Her x-husband an attorney took over her finances and the burial arrangements. I being financially set was okay with that, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.