Dear Ann Landers, I come from a large family. A few months ago, we lost our dad. During his illness, he made a detailed list of items he wanted to leave to his children and grandchildren. Mom told him, "This is still my home, and these are my things, too. Nothing leaves."
This led to a discussion between my brothers and sisters. We agreed that nothing would be taken from the house. A few siblings, however, have been taking items for their children. This angered the rest of us, and we asked them to return these items. We argued that Mom is still alive and these things belong to HER. As of now, not one of the siblings has returned anything.
We also feel that when Mom goes, the heirloom items should be handed down to US and not to the grandchildren. Then, if we choose, we will pass them on to the next generation. Please, Ann, print this letter and your comments so the entire family can read them. -- Discord in Canada
Dear Canada, I have no idea if Grandma is leaving behind the crown jewels of the Ottoman Empire or some pots, pans and beaded lampshades. I suggest she hire a professional appraiser and an attorney and get a will spelled out now. If she doesn't, I predict a world-class family fight that will turn into a two-generation disaster. Meanwhile, forget about the items that have already been taken from the house. It sounds as if there's enough dissension as it is.
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
Joe's Comment
I agree. These things can turn ugly fast.
I was asked to BUY the things I wanted from my grandparents home when they died. I gathered the things, wrote a check, and went strait to the bank
Kess's Comment
This has to be a joke!
Rusty's Comment
Not a joke at all. One family in our extended family group had 9 kids, one of whom needed custodial care for the remainder of their life. Dad was an attorney who should have known better, but he didn't make a plan for his passing on the theory that the kids would work this out among themselves. Not. The estate was rather large. There were arguments about who got what and some amount of "helping themselves" to items, but what split the family was the division of cash. Some thought an even 9-way split. Others thought first take care of the disabled sibling's needs and then split the remainder. It got ugly and all these years later some siblings don't talk to the others. The moral of the story: put your own house in order, don't assume your darling children will come together for some kumbayas and all the flowers will bloom.
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:
Dear Readers, , whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.
