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Dear Ann Landers,
oday's column was the last straw. Another let-ter about sex. And kinky sex, at that. I have four teenagers who fight for your part of the paper. I just die when you print such garbage and it gets worse every day. I am a mature, broad-minded per-son, but enough is enough. Like the woman whose husband wanted her to wear black nylon stockings and a garter belt to bed. My kids just roared. Today the 14-year-old daughter had a sore throat and we were afraid she might develop rheumatic fever. She didn't have the slightest idea what rheumatic fever was, but she knows all about VD-thanks to Ann Landers. Cool it, will you please? A MOTHER WHO LOVES HER KIDS

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Dear Readers,
, Clark, shinnied up the rear of our toilet tank onto our bathroom counter-his favorite roosting spot when we are in or near the bedroom. While putting the groceries away, I was distracted. When I returned to collect Clark, I discovered him-stiff, wet and shivering-floating on his side in the toilet bowl. He was glassy-eyed and appeared to be suffering from severe exhaustion. Clark has one clipped wing and only one foot with a full quotient of toes, so he doesn’t balance very well under the best of conditions. My husband and I rushed Clark to the animal clinic for emergency anti-stress drugs and oxygen. He stayed overnight in the incubator and recovered sufficiently so that we were permitted to take him home the following afternoon. From now on, you can be sure the toilet seat lid will remain closed in our house. -Learned the Hard Way in Miami

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"Sensual pleasures have the fleeting brilliance of a comet; a happy marriage has the tranquillity of a lovely sunset."
-Ann Landers