Dear Ann Landers,
am a girl of 14, and I like a certain boy and am sure he likes me, but when it comes time to meet, he gets scared and backs out. I am deeply troubled. -S.V.

Dear S.V.,
Don't worry; he's only a kid. Soon, now, he'll become un-scared, and you'll have a chance to find out if you really like each other. Fit HEW II It II / VI i Meanwhile, you can have a lot of good times with other youngsters- boys and girls! Confidential: Miss E.B.: You are entitled to a life of your own. You have given more than your share to your mother and the rest of the family. Move out of that house before they drive you batty. When I started writing the Ann Landers column, I had no intention of hanging around for 40 years and landing in the Guinness Book of World Recoi'ds, but that's exactly what happened. I was shot full of luck from day one. When Will Munnecke, vice president of the Chicago Sun-Times, suggested that I enter the contest to replace the original Ann Landers, who had died suddenly, I reluc-tantly agreed. Miracle of miracles, I won the contest. The phrase that came to mind was "Be careful what you pray for. You may get it." Good fortune smiled on me from the start. Editor Larry Fanning, fresh from San Francisco, was assigned the unenviable job of teaching the new girl how to write an advice column. Larry became apoplectic when he discovered that the new girl had never written a line for pub-lication. In fact, she had never held a job before. Apparently, ignorance can be an asset. The column took off like a rocket. I had greatly admired Dorothy Dix, the grandmother of advice columnists, but she had been dead for seven years. I had the whole field to myself. I also was blessed with a generous publisher, Marshall Field IV, plus a succession of editors who promoted me endlessly and allowed me to print letters that dealt with homosexuality and other subjects consid-ered taboo for family newspapers. I spent 33 wonderful years at the Sun-Tim.es. Then, Rupert Mur-doch bought the paper. It wasn't long before most of my pals walked over to the Chicago Tribune. I decided to join them. The Tribune wel-comed me and my staff with open arms and provided us with beautiful offices. We soon felt very much at home. Writing seven columns a week can be a headache, but it's never a bore. I hope this compilation of columns spanning 40 years will satisfy the thousands of readers who, over the years, have asked me to rerun their favorites. Since it was impossible to accommodate them all, I de-cided to make a collection of my favorite columns. And here it is. Rnntrnls Love, Marriage and the In-laws from Hell 3 Columns from the Bedroom 34 Children: A Mixed Blessing-Llis, Hers and Ours 105 I Love Pets, but an Iguana in the Bathtub? 154 Straight Talk About Cancer, AIDS and Other Health Problems 166 Mental Health: To the Edge and Beyond 200 Where in the World Did That Sock Go, and What About My Husband's Shorts? 214 Addictions: The Wrecking Ball of Love, Health and Careers 265 The Nightmare of Physical Abuse and Rape 291 Age Is Only a Number, Baby! 316 Nice Work If You Can Get It 327 Bury Me in My 1937 Dodge 342 Pssst! Want to Buy a Porsche for $50? 358 No B.S., No M.A., No Ph.D., but I Got the J.O.B.! 378 Play It Again, Sam 391 The Best he Ann Lanheks Liivp, Marriage and the In laws from Hell Have you ever wondered, "Am I in love, or is this just infatuation?" Well, this essay might help you know the difference. After this appeared in print, many readers wrote to tell me it helped them, distinguish one from the other. Love or Infatuation? Infatuation is instant desire. It is one set of glands calling to another. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows-one day at a time. Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager but not genuinely happy. There are nag-ging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream. Love is quiet understanding and the mature acceptance of imperfec-tion. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you-to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his presence, even when he is away. Miles do not separate you. You want him nearer. But near or far, you know he is yours and you can wait. Infatuation says, "We must get married right away. I can't risk losing him." Love says, "Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence." Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. If you are honest, you will admit it is difficult to be in one another's company unless you ANN LANDERS 4 are sure it will end in intimacy. Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers. Infatuation lacks confidence. When he's away, you wonder if he's cheating. Sometimes you check. Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. He feels that trust, and it makes him even more trustworthy. Infatuation might lead you to do things you'll regret later, but love never will. Love is an upper. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before. How do we know if a relationship is wonh pursuing.? When is it time to call it quits? What irritations should be overlooked for the sake of family harmony? My mail indicates that more and more people want serious, committed rela-tionships but are having a hard time making it work or finding the right someone. Look over my shoulder to see some of the ways things can get ojf track. Dear Ann: I've been going with a wristwatch salesman for 16 months. He takes me to the most expensive places, and last year for my birthday he gave me a beautiful watch. Something weird is going on, and I can't figure out what's at the bot-tom of it. His stenographer is overly interested in our personal busi-ness. She wants to know where we go, how much he spends and what we talk about. Last night, I'm sure I saw her following us in her car. The night be-fore, she sat directly behind us at the movies. I asked my boyfriend to explain this. He said he didn't want it to "get around" because it'd be bad for business, but she's his first cousin. He claims she's very compe-tent and he can't tell her off because she might quit. He asks that I be patient and overlook her odd behavior. What do you make of it? -Shadowed Dear Shadowed: A watch last year, but this year, you're getting the works. The reason the girl is so interested in what's going on is because your boyfriend has probably been making time with her, too. Plain, or-dinary, everyday cousins don't go to such lengths to find out what's buzzin', unless they're kissin' kin, that is. Tell your watch salesman to unwind himself from this private eye or you'll try to find a boyfriend from a less closely knit family.