Dear Ann Landers,
"If you had it to do over again, would you marry the person to whom you are now married?" Sign us -Eager to Know Dear Eager: At least a hundred others have written to ask for the same survey. So here's the question and some specific instructions. Please answer the question: "If you had it to do over again, would you marry the person to whom you are now married?" Use postcards, if possible. Write either yes or no. State whether you are male or female-and the number of years you have been married. Sample: Dear Ann: Yes-Female-35. I will print the results as soon as I get them. That letter ran on Valentine's Day of 1977. Within 10 days, my offke was bombarded with more than 50,000 pieces of mail, and letters continued to pour in for weeks after. The results were published on March 28, 1977.

Dear Readers,
Although I requested postcards only, well over 7,000 wrote letters to tell me in detail how wonderful-or how lousy- their marriages are. Are you ready? Well, there were two sets of responses, and there was a big difference. Thirty percent signed their cards and letters (many gave their addresses). Seventy percent did not sign. Here are the results of the signed mail: Seventy percent said yes, they would marry the same person again. Thirty percent said no. Of the signed cards and letters, 80 percent came from females and 20 percent came from males. The unsigned mail told me more than I wanted to know. Forty-eight percent said yes, and 52 percent said no. The breakdown according to sex was 70 percent from females and 30 percent from males. We received 42 postcards from homosexuals who considered them-selves "just as married as anyone else." They were all happy and voted yes. I couldn't do a thing with the response to my request that readers let me know how many years they have been married. At least half of my respondents were confused and gave me their age. It is obvious that not only Johnny can't read but his parents have the same problem. Thf Resi ni \ Lanifu i 2 1 Several readers pointed out a fact that could have influenced many women. The survey column appeared on Valentine's Day. From San Jose, Calif., a wife wrote: "I may feel different tomorrow, but tonight, I am voting no. It's Valentine's Day, and this clown to whom I've been married for 15 years (five children) didn't even give me a card." A man in Pittsburgh sent two dozen cards (unsigned). On each card, he wrote (in green ink), "I vote no. She's murder." A woman from San Francisco wrote a letter saying, "I voted no yes-terday. I was drunk. My husband is an angel-a lot better than I de-serve. Please change my vote Kayes" From Davenport, Iowa: "Female, married 27 years. We are the hap-piest couple in town. I vote yes. " At the bottom of the card, hastily scrawled in pencil, was a word from her husband, who obviously had been asked to drop the card in the mailbox. He wrote, "That's what she thinks. I vote no." Phoenix: "I did do it over again-married the same person three times. My marriage to Thelma was annulled by her parents because she was underage. When she turned legal, we were married by a justice of the peace. Two years later we were married by a Catholic priest. She's terrific." Akron: "I am 12 years old. I read your column every day My parents got into a fight tonight over how to vote in your survey. My mother said she was voting no because my dad spends too many nights playing backgammon. "Dad said their marriage was a lot better than most-even with her griping about him playing so much backgammon. He said he would vote yes. The conversation suddenly turned to how much my mother's brother cost my dad in business. I think you'd better put them both down as no." Oklahoma City: "In the 32 years we've been married, my husband never once told me he loved me-even though I asked him several times. He always answered, 'I'm not the mushy type.' Tonight, he clipped out your column and wrote across it. 'Yes. She is a beautiful person. I'm a lucky man.' I cried like a baby. Make that two yesses from O. City." This definition of love has been requested by more than 10,000 readers over the years. And it's still asked for every Valentine's Day: Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses. Love is content with the present, it hopes for the future and it doesn't brood over the past. It's the day-in and day-out chronicle of ir-ritations, problems, compromises, small disappointments, big victories and working toward common goals. If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough. Readers have given me many suggestions on how to make a marriage work. I really enjoyed this one: Twelve Rules for a Happy Marriage Never both be angry at once. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Yield to the wishes of the other as an exercise in self-discipline, if you can't think of a better reason. If you have a choice between making yourself or your mate look good-choose your mate. If you feel you must criticize, do so lovingly. Never bring up a mistake of the past. Neglect the whole world rather than each other. Never let the day end without saying at least one complimentary thing to your life's partner. Never meet without an affectionate welcome. Never go to bed mad. When you've made a mistake, talk it out and ask for forgiveness. Remember, it takes two to make an argument. The one who is wrong is the one who will be doing most of the talking. Vows written by a bride and groom can be touching and immensely meaning-ful. I would like to share with you ones written and read by a young couple who were married in 1984 atop a mountain overlooking Waikiki in Hon-olulu. These wedding vows, in my opinion, could serve as enduring guidelines for a beautiful life together. Here they are: BRIDE: We are two individuals who enrich our existence by having a single life and a shared life. GROOM: We have chosen to marry because we belong not to each other but with each other. B: We wish the same happiness for each other and will strive to reach harmony, adjusting to the needs of the other while remaining true to ourselves. G: When things do not go smoothly, we will try to be patient, gende, understanding, flexible, receptive, open and loving. B: We will give what is needed-and more. G: We will take what we need-and no more. B: We will be faithful because nothing can be stronger or more im-portant than our love. G: We will be truthful so we may always trust. B: We will be respectful, for each of us is a special human being. G: We have been blessed with much love and the capacity to share it. So we plan to share it with a growing country and a growing family. B: We are friends and shall remain so. G: We are lovers and shall remain so. B: We are individuals and shall remain so. G: We are partners and shall remain so. B: Who knows what other beautiful facets our relationship will foster? B and G: For there awaits us all the joy of growing together in a life shared for years to come. Relationships are not just about husbands and wives, lovers or friends. Some-times, they are about family-his nosy mother, yourflirtatious sister, his free- loading brother-in-law, those unruly stepchildren. Here are a few letters I have printed that make it clear that some family problems are universal: