Dear Ann Landers,


DEAR LOVING WIFE,
During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I recorded 320 excuses and 45 successes. I kept track of the reasons which accompanied the re- fusals. Here they are: We'll wake the children 17 It's too hot 10 It's too cold 5 I'm too tired 32 It's too early 15 It's too late 23 Please, dear, I'm asleep 35 Windows open, neighbors might hear 9 Backache: 18: : Headache: 16: : Toothache: 2: : Drank too much: 4: : Ate too much: 14: : Not in the mood: 21: : Mud pack: 2: : New hairdo: 17: : Company in next room: 11: : Wouldn't you rather: : : watch the late TV show?: 40: : Is that all you men think: : : about: 29: : Thanks, dear.: : : YOUR LOVING HUSBAND (BUT NOT ENOUGH) How about it, Ann. Is it funny? PARADISE, CALIF. DEAR PARADISE: Yes, it's funny, but like a great deal that passes for humor, I sense a lot of kidding on the square. MAKE EXCUSES, NOT LOVE? DEAR ANN: I'm one of the thou-sands (maybe millions) of wives whose husbands asked, "Did you read Ann Landers today?" The letter he wanted me to see was signed, "Your Loving Husband-But Not Enough." We both laughed and thought it was very clever. How about equal time for a wife's rebuttal? Dear Loving Husband: During the last year I approached you to make love to me 365 times, but you had 329 excuses. You said "Yes" 36 times. Here's my tally on the ex-cuses: Hard day at the office-40 times. Argument with the boss, too tense- 35 times. Important meeting tomorrow, have to get a good night's sleep-30 times. It's too cold in here-5 times. It's too hot in here-20 times. I'm beat-30 times. 812 THE ANN LANDERS ENCYCLOPEDIA My back is acting up again-30 times. I drank too much, couldn't hack it-15 times. I can't tear myself away from this terrific movie (during which you fell asleep)-40 times. As soon as I finish this article (dur-ing which you fell asleep)-35 times. I was sleeping, what did you say?- 30 times. We aren't newlyweds anymore. What are you trying to prove?-10 times. Why don't you go bowling with the girls or take a cold shower?-9 times. HERE'S DESCRIPTION