Dear Ann Landers,
am in love with a man who is middle-aged (as I am), and we have been going together for almost a year. He is very af-fectionate but has made no effort to become intimate, although he has hinted strongly that he would like to marry me. The IIesi nr Ann Ianiieiis ./ 81 At first I thought he was refreshingly old-fashioned and respected him for it. Later I decided he was extremely shy. Now I am almost cer-tain the man is impotent. Please tell me how I can let him know this sexual dysfunction would not make a particle of difference to me. I be-lieve when you sincerely love a man, you accept him as he is. Many marriages have plenty of sex but fall apart because love and trust, kindness and respect are missing. To share this man's life and fall asleep in his arms every night would be enough for me. The bond cre-ated by intimate caressing and tender words can be much more mean-ingful than the consummated act between people who don't care about one another. How can I let him know my feelings without putting him on the defensive? -Knowledgeable in Sarasota

Dear Sara,
Tell him, as you told me, exactly how you feel. If he has the qualities you described, he will be thrilled. And it will put the rela-tionship on a much more secure and honest footing.