Dear Ann Landers,
less you for having the courage to suggest self-gratification to the 48-year-old woman whose husband hasn't touched her in two years. I am nearly 80 now, and my youth flashed be-fore my eyes when you said you didn't want to hear from any clergy saying it's a sin. When I was 13, our preacher gave me a book to read. It said boys who masturbate would become bald, diseased and insane, lead a life of crime and end up in hell. When my sexual urges became overpower-ing, I did indeed indulge in what they called in those days "self-abuse" and suffered tremendous anxiety and wretched feelings of guilt. Every morning, I woke up wondering if I had gone insane during the night or developed some outward sign that would let the world know of my "unpardonable sin." That terrifying misinformation carried over to my adult life, and it took a long time before I could be a loving husband. Now that I am older and wiser, I see what horrendous damage was done to the youth .14 I ANN LANDERS of our day by hypocritical clergy who surely must have experienced the same urges in their younger days. Hurray to you for having the courage to say it in print and remove the burden of guilt suffered by millions of healthy, normal people, both young and old. -Raleigh, N.C.

Dear Raleigh,
When I wrote that response, I didn't think it was par-ticularly heroic. It just seemed to be a simple truth that needed to be said. Thousands of readers, however, saw it quite differently. Read on: From Seattle: Bravo! You are sure to get a ton of mail from the Bible Belt denouncing your advice to the woman whose husband has not ap-proached her sexually for two years. Ignore them, please. Millions of others will applaud your courage. These days, when there is so much sexually transmitted disease, especially AIDS, it's the ideal solution. I could not respect you more. Denver: I'm a 43-year-old man and have not had sex with my wife for six years. Since 1982, she has had three miscarriages and a hysterectomy. Sex, to her, is a burden and makes her feel inadequate. "Mary" is a mar-velous person, and I love her dearly. We have a fine relationship and get along beautifully. I would never look for a sex partner outside of marriage, and she has told me that counseling is out. So, the answer for me is self-gratification. I'm sure it's the answer for millions of other males, even though they would never admit it. Fort Dodge, Iowa: The Mayo Clinic Family Health Book (1990) backs you all the way. Here's the passage: "Masturbation is normal and healthy. It is a way to release sexual tension, give yourself pleasure, savor sexual fantasies and curb impulses to engage in sexual activity that may not be appropriate. In adulthood, deprivation of regular sexual outlets leads to an increase in masturbation in both sexes. As an occasional sex-ual variant, it is common in emotionally healthy adults after marriage but is more frequent during periods when the sexual partner is absent or ill. Only when masturbation is routinely preferred to intercourse or so frequent that it becomes an indication of an incapacity for sexual grati-fication with a partner is it considered to be abnormal in adulthood."