Dear Ann Landers, My wife has cancer. We have been battling it for six years, and short of a major miracle, she will die from it. I am not asking for sympathy.
We are living our lives as fully as we can, and we are not shy about discussing all aspects of this battle when it comes to our children, friends and family.
Here is my problem: I find it painful when friends say to her, "Get well soon." It hurts to hear these words. They sound so phony, as if she had a broken leg. My wife will NOT get well, soon or ever, for that matter, and everybody knows it, including her. I haven't said anything about this because I know these people mean well, but it makes me want to scream every time I hear it.
These friends are important to us, and I don't want to offend them by telling them to stop saying that, so I'm hoping if you print my letter, it will help. - Granada Hills, Calif.
Dear Granada Hills, Here's your letter, but it won't help. People are going to continue to say, "Get well soon," no matter what you say, even though they, too, know your wife is terminal. Play the game. The phrase is intended to be comforting.
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:
Dear Readers, , and we have been going together for almost a year. He is very af-fectionate but has made no effort to become intimate, although he has hinted strongly that he would like to marry me. WAKE lirAM SMELL TIE COFFEE! HI At first I thought he was refreshingly old-fashioned and respected him for it. Later I decided he was extremely shy. Now I am almost cer-tain the man is impotent. Please tell me how I can let him know this sexual dysfunction would not make a particle of difference to me. I be-lieve when you sincerely love a man, you accept him as he is. Many marriages have plenty of sex but fall apart because love and trust, kindness and respect are missing. To share this man’s life and fall asleep in his arms every night would be enough for me. The bond cre-ated by intimate caressing and tender words can be much more mean-ingful than the consummated act between people who don’t care about one another. How can I let him know my feelings without putting him on the defensive? -Knowledgeable in Sarasota
