, Advice by Ann Landers - []
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Section: marriage, manners, behavior

Dear Ann Landers,
My husband and I were married recently. Our wedding was beautiful, but there was one problem: We had 17 no-shows and four surprise guests. Two days before the wedding, we'd had to give the caterers the exact number of guests. After that, we would get billed no matter how many no-shows there were. That means we paid for 13 extra meals that nobody ate. I understand that sometimes an emergency comes up, but we wasted more than $330 on those no-show dinners. The extra guests turned out to be no problem because of the no-shows, but generally, surprises are not welcome. What if those 17 people had shown up and we didn't have enough dinners? It would have been a nightmare. It is simply good manners to let the hostess know whether you are coming or not. And if the number of people in your party has changed, she should be informed about that, too. When you RSVP, the information you give the hostess is what the cost of the event is based on. Wedding receptions aren't cheap these days, and paying for no-shows is a terrible waste. Am I expecting too much from guests? If so, please tell me. - San Diego

Dear San Diego,
You are not expecting too much. Letting the hostess know whether or not you are coming is no more than common courtesy. Not having enough food because some slobs didn't bother to let you know they were coming is a major embarrassment. A response card and stamped envelope are well worth the extra expense. I recommend them.

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A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!

Nana's Comment
I have a question, my dad died and my sister wants to put her kids as though they are married and they are not. Instead of Jane Smith she wants to put Jane and husband John Johnson. I told her that was not how it should be. Advice please

Reader Comment
When are you going to stop printing this BS from "Jennifer Sanchez"? It's not a comment in response to the letter. It's always about that ridiculous 'Dr. Odunga' that has nothing to do with the column. Drop it! Take your garbage to your Facebook account, dingbat!

Rod Munch's Comment
FU, Jenny!!! I hope your ex cheats on you again!!!

Reader Comment
Right on, "Rod"!

Debra's Comment
You would have to tell the surprise guests they had not meal!!!

Joy's Comment
Nana comments: It should be Jane Smith, John Johnson and then the kids if he is the father. If not leave him off. simple right!!!
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, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
-Ann Landers