Section: children, family, marriage, manners
Dear Ann Landers,
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A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
Marina 's Comment
I disagree. In no way is this Dad obligated to pay for his daughter's wedding. He paid for her car. That's enough.
Deduct the cost of the car payments from the wedding expenses. The adult daughter seems to feel entitled to having anything she wants without paying for them.
It's a shame the father did not repossess the car. He didn't do his daughter any favors by allowing her to get away with this. I think his prior agreement to help pay for his daughter's wedding is void under the circumstances. "Sorry, honey. I love you, but I paid X amount of dollars for your car for four years. THAT MONEY CAME OUT OF YOUR WEDDING FUND. I guess you and your mom will need to plan something simple." I hope he has the guts. This girl desperately needs a wake-up call.
Dad to daughter: "Sorry honey, the payments we made for four years on your car came out of your wedding fund. I guess you and your mom will have to plan something simple. Love you."
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Make your daughter pay for her own wedding! She didnâ€™t pay you back!
I paid my son's rent for over 3 1/2 years; paid half for his newer vehicle and then when I got fed up with his nasty attitude toward me and tried to distance myself from him, he's trying to get me committed and declared incompetent. He's 55 now and is berating me for leaving my "child". I have contributed to his adult life over $60,000.00 because I didn't want him to struggle as I always had to when he was young. Is this entitled, or what?
Grace Powell Harper 's Comment
He paid for her car . That's enough . She is lucky .
No reason Dad shouldn't deduct money paid for car from amount he would have paid for wedding. Daughter needs a wake-up call.
Momma Reyes's Comment
Dear Still Hurting, take a deep breath and think this through. Didn't you help pay off her car when she wasn't able because you love your daughter? It's not the first time a parent has helped their child financially. She is about to get married and you are about to walk her down the aisle. She is marrying someone you like. That is huge. They are going to have children. You are going to be a grandfather. Take this opportunity to bury the hurt from the past and start thinking about your future relationship with your daughter. That's more important than money. Help her the best you can financially with her wedding and savor every precious moment that is about to come with enjoying family life. Trust me the whole grandparent season in life is incredible! As her father, take the lead and build that bond. Your entire family will reap the benefits. Let me know how it goes. [email protected]
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