Dear Ann Landers, I am a 20-year-old college student living with three other roommates the same age. One of our roommates, "Gloria," is causing a lot of problems for the rest of us. She is dating a married man. This isn't the first time she has been involved in an inappropriate relationship, but I didn't know about her entanglements until after we moved in together.
The man Gloria is dating now is a lot older and has kids in their late 20s. He doesn't hide his cheating. In fact, he wants us to invite him over to "hang out." Gloria bragged about their sexual relationship, and his wife found out about it. She has been calling our house to see if her husband is here. Now, Gloria demands that we not answer the phone or, if we do, that we lie to the man's wife.
We have lost all respect for Gloria and would like to kick her out, but none of us has the guts. I feel horrible for this man's family and do not want to be caught in a confrontation with his wife. Please give us some suggestions on how to handle this situation. -- Beside Ourselves in Oregon
Dear Oregon, Give Gloria notice: Either she stops seeing that married man, or she will have to move out at the end of the month. Be firm about it. Let her know that if she doesn't break off the relationship, you are packing her bags and she'll find them on the front porch -- and keep your word.
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
Deming NM's Comment
I agree. People asking you to lie for them, it's just despicable.
Reader Comment
If she is on the lease, they can't kick her out. Period.
Reader Comment
"Gloria" is causing too much friction with the others living there. Get in touch with the landlord to issue a revised lease (if Gloria is on it) to remove her name as she is moving out (if she refuses to end that worthless relationship). The other tenants should not have to put up with lying for this nasty person. A married man who is getting what he wants will never leave his wife
Reader Comment
The next time the wife calls hand the phone to the man and say, it’s for you. Don’t cover or accommodate her not one more time. If you don’t accommodate roommate, she’ll leave on her own.
Karen 's Comment
Answer the phone and tell the woman the truth if that is what you want to do. You don’t have to lie for Gloria. Set strong boundaries and tell her that you are uncomfortable with the arrangement. My bet is that if the wife knows, a scene will occur and this matter will resolve itself because Gloria will have to move.
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:
Dear Readers, , I began doing a radio show on campus. Just for fun, I decided to take a poll-with score sheet in hand-at school, at my place of part-time employment, and every-where I roamed. What I found was amazing. After polling several hundred people, the results are as follows: 51 percent preferred “over,” 37 percent preferred “under,” and 12 percent didn’t care as long as it was there. Even though many people laughed when they were asked, most had a strong preference and responded immediately. I’d like to share some of the reasons people gave to justify their pref-erences. They said things such as: “When the paper goes ‘over,’ it is easier to employ the ‘hit and spin’ technique.” “I hang mine ‘over’ so it doesn’t touch the wall.” “I like it ‘under’ because then it rests against the wall, out of the way.” “You will use less paper if you put it ‘under,’ especially if you have small children or pets.” One respondent said, “ ‘Over’ people are lazy. It takes more effort to reach when the paper is ‘under.’ ” Several respondents related stories of family arguments at the din-ner table. I was told that there was actually an episode of All in the Family where Archie yells at Michael for putting the paper “under.” I had a lot of fun with my survey and wanted you to know that after all these years, it’s still a topic of discussion. -T.D.A., Union, N.J.
