Dear Ann Landers,
lease don't tell me you aren't a law-yer. I know you aren't, but you say you want to help people in trouble and I'm in plenty right now. My wife and I went to an open-air theater last week, and we sat behind a couple of gabby women. My wife asked them twice if they would please be quiet so we could hear the lines. They said they were there to enjoy themselves and if we didn't like it we could find other seats. After twenty minutes of listening to those magpies, my wife lost her temper and slammed the noisier woman over the head with her pocketbook. She let out a blood-curdling scream, and of course everybody craned their necks to see what was going on. The manager rushed over and made a big deal of it. He took our names and asked us to leave. Yesterday my wife received an order to appear in court. The charge is assault and battery. Must we go to court on these trumped-up charges?-S.L.

Dear S.L.,
Since you already know I am not a lawyer, I don't have to tell you. I will tell you, however, you'd better hire one. What you received was a summons and this means no foolin'.