Dear Ann Landers,
have an aunt who is very fat. She is also very rich. Her husband owns half the lumber in North Carolina. This fat aunt came to visit a few days ago. I know it was dumb, but I accidentally left my ukulele on a chair in the living room. Well, this fat aunt goes and sits right down on my uke and smashes it to smithereens. She didn't say one word about buying me a new uke. All she could talk about was how kids today don't take care of their things and how the crashing sound of that uke almost gave her heart failure. I think it was mighty cheap of my aunt not to offer to buy me a new uke. She could buy me a whole store full of ukes and not miss the money.-Former Owner Of A Ukulele

Dear Former Owner,
You should not have left the uke on the chair, but people should pay attention to where they sit, too. She might have sat on a darning needle, scissors, or a small child. This column appears in many cities in North Carolina. Let's hope Auntie sees your letter and comes through with a new ukulele.