Dear Ann Landers,
announced my engagement to this man a year ago last December. We are not children, Ann; we are both in our late twenties. We've kept steady company for three years. The wedding date has been set four times. Each time it had to be postponed. Eight days before the wedding he broke his leg and we had to cancel everything. Two months later he developed a mysterious fever and was hospitalized; this was six days before the wedding. The following month the date was set for the 15th. On the 10th he suddenly lost his hearing and had to fly East to see a specialist. Last week we were all set when his mother broke out with giant hives. He now says we can't be married until his mother recovers. I'd like your ideas.-Wilted Bouquet

Dear Wilted,
This man's subconscious (and his mother) are protecting him against a marriage he doesn't want. If you succeed in becoming his wife (during an attack of good health), you'll probably regret it. Dear Ann: Is it thoughtlessness, stupidity, cruelty, igno-rance, or just plain nosiness that makes people ask members of the family, "Was it cancer?" My father had surgery a few days ago. The surgeon gave us bad news. My mother is heartsick and so am I. We are trying to be brave-and silent-but people won't let us. They keep badgering us with questions. Yesterday I received six telephone calls, all from friends wanting to know details. I've been saying, "We are hoping for the best," because I don't want to discuss it. One caller said, "You might as well face facts. It will be easier later." Another caller said, "My mother died of cancer and I pity you. You'll go through hell these next few months." Why do people do this? What should I say?-Near The Edge Dear Near: Real friends don't push beyond the bounds of good taste by asking questions. Cassandra types and those who feed on the misery of others are not friends. They are clods.