Dear Ann Landers,
"Sign on the door of a curio shop in Hong Kong: Teeth extracted by latest Methodists." I recognized that phrase from a collection I have of similar linguistic follies. It was originally published in The International Educator. Here is the complete list. I hope you and your readers get a laugh out of it. I do, every time I read it. -Amused in Vermont

Dear Vermont,
A few years ago, I ran some of those humorous translations in my column, but I'm happy to run them again. Laughter, it is said, is good medicine, and if ever the world needed more laughs, now is the time. According to The International Educator, these are reported to be signs in English collected by Air France employees, but I wouldn't bet the rent. WAKE UP AND SMELL EH E CIIFEEE! Tokyo hotel: It is forbidden to steal hotel towels. If you are not a per-son to do such a thing, please not read this notice. Leipzig, Germany, elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up. Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. If you lose them in your room, we are not responsible. Athens hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the women who are employed to clean the rooms. Moscow hotel: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday. Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs. Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results. Paris dress shop: Elegant dresses designed for street walking. Rhodes, Greece, tailor shop: Order your summer suit. Because of the big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation. Japanese hotel: Cold and Heat: If you want to condition the warm in your room, please control yourself. German camping site: It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose. Rome laundry: Ladies, please leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. Czech tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages. Swiss mountain inn: Special today-no ice cream. Copenhagen airline: We take your bags and send them in all directions. Moscow hotel: If this is your first visit to the U.S.S.R., you are wel-come to it. Norwegian lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. Tokyo car rental firm: When passenger with heavy foot is in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obsta-cles your passage, then tootle him with vigor. Acapulco hotel: We are pleased to announce that the manager has personally passed all the water served here. 3 b 2 ANN L A NIIE R S Dear Ann: I have a friend. (I'll call him Maximilian.) Max has a dog. (I'll call him Phido.) Phido has fleas. (I'll call them Igor, Ramon, Jere-miah, Amos, Valentino, Pancho, Christopher, Gart, Tiny Tim, Kismet, Ardeshir and Lucinda.) After Max and Phido had been to my house for a visit, I found Valentino and Lucinda had stayed behind. I noticed they were making love on my Oriental rug, which I will call Karambastan. My question: What shall I call their numerous offspring? Or should I just call an exterminator? And if so-what? -Love Your Column Otherwise Dear Otherwise: By all means call the exterminator. (He won't care what you call him so long as you pay him.) And while he's there, please ask if he has a highly potent flea powder that will eliminate pests like you.