Dear Ann Landers,
ur schnauzer speaks Italian. He says, "Mama Mia," "Grazie" and "Bella Signora." When he hears "Arrivederci Roma" on the radio, he puts his head between his paws and cries. The kids have tried to teach the dog Latin, but so far no luck. We will let you know if they succeed. Print this letter if you want to, but please don't give away the name of our city. Many local people know about WAKE UP A N U SMELL THE IIIIFFEE! our dog, but we don't want our home to become a tourist attraction. Thanks. -Proud of Him

Dear Ann,
We've all heard jokes about parrots that yelled out dirty words when the minister came to call. But have you ever heard of a dog that did the same thing? Well, my husband has a warped sense of humor, and he taught our boxer some terrible words, After three em-barrassing experiences with company, I gave the dog to my sister, who lives on a farm. Now I can relax for the first time in two years. -Mrs. M.M. There's always a letter from a comedian. Here's an example: