Dear Ann Landers,
ur son is 12 and of normal weight and height. But I am concerned about his genitals. They are still the size of a tod-dler's. His 6-year-old brother is larger than he is. "Ed's" gym instructor says that he takes a lot of kidding. I have taken this boy to a pediatrician and an endocrinologist. They both laughed the matter off and said, "Don't worry, Mom, he'll have I I � ANN L A N IIE R S plenty of girlfriends." I don't appreciate that kind of response. It seems to me that a joke is being made of something that is very serious. I am deeply concerned, Ann. This boy's self-esteem is low enough without being ridiculed about his manhood. Furthermore, I know how important it is to be able to have a satisfying sexual relationship. Ed is a sensitive child, and I really do worry that this problem may ruin his life. I don't know who to talk to about this now that two doc-tors have laughed about it and made me feel foolish. Can you help? -No Name in Illinois

Dear Illinois,
Although the pediatrician and the endocrinologist meant to reassure you, they could have been more supportive. It should, however, be a relief to know the child has no physical problem and is just undersized. Please be careful not to transfer your anxiety to the boy. This could be extremely damaging. Sex therapists tell us that size has very little to do with satisfaction. Also, what appears to be undersized in the flaccid state can be much larger when there is an erection. And remember, he is only 12 and may be a late bloomer. So, cool it, Mom. A lot can happen in the next five years. The readers were not in agreement with my response. Did they think the problem was well-handled? Not on your tintype. Dear Ann: What the devil is the mother of a 12-year-old boy doing examining his genitals? That poor kid. If his life is ruined, it won't be due to a lack of generosity in the area of sexual endowment but the overbearing intrusiveness of his mama. I am the mother of a boy who will be 12 in a few weeks. I bowed out of his hygiene and bathroom activity six years ago with excellent re-sults. Respecting children's privacy is a key ingredient in helping them to develop self-esteem and respect for others. You didn't lay this out as clearly as you could have. -P.L.M., Williamson, Ga. From Melbourne, Fla.: That was one of the most miserable answers you have ever given. Several years ago in Iran, where the soil was highly deficient in zinc, many boys had substandard genital organs. WAKE Ul* AND SMELL THE CIIFFEE! Ill Doctors who were interested in the problem put them on zinc, and the boys became normal for their age group. -Col. William H. Frederick Louisville, Ky.: If a man were to comment on the sexual develop-ment of his 12-year-old daughter, he would be considered a sexual abuser, arrested, jailed and ordered to stay away from the child. How long is that mother going to be permitted to inspect her son's genitals? Until he is 17? Or maybe 20? By that time, the boy will be a major league sicko, and it'll take years of therapy to straighten him out. It's the mother who has the problem, not the boy. As you say, "Wake up and smell the coffee." -Anonymous Somewhere in Kentucky: Tell that 12-year-old kid he has been blessed. I'm 80 years old and have known several women whose lives were made miserable by men who were over-endowed. Son, you have at least one small thing to be thankful for. Count your blessings. -Little Willie Here's a guaranteed recipe for a rotten kid: Dear Ann: Because of my husband's business, I am subjected to the cocktail circuit more than I want to be. It seems the principal topic for discussion is "our crazy, mixed-up kids." Those who have no nutty offspring to talk about feel strangely de-prived. Here is a superb recipe for creating one. After observing sev-eral nieces and nephews, as well as the progeny of my friends, I can attest to its authenticity: Start with one child. Add a little hot air-Two hours of "when I was your age" will get a rise out of him. Stir in some sarcasm-It will bring out the bitter flavor. Fill with bad examples-preferably your own. Instruct the child how to lie about his age so you can sneak him into the movie at half price. Take "souvenirs" from restaurants and hotels. Towels are nice. Pillow cases are better. Season with indifference-Most families have a lot of "I don't give a damn what you do so long as you don't bother me" lying around. I 2 II ANN IANIIEH8 Sift in some indecision-Not being able to decide what you stand for will give your child that subtle, no-texture, no-substance look. Add a dash of alcohol-Drink in front of them, behind them and all around them. They will then get the impression it's a normal and natural part of life. And be sure they see you take a belt when the going gets tough. In a crisis say, "Jeez, I need a drink!" They will then get the idea that the way to deal with a problem is by getting bombed. Toss in a few pills-This will teach your children there are chemical solutions to all problems. They should get the idea early in life that no-body has to suffer because there is a capsule or a tablet made to order that can protect them against any kind of disappointment, failure or discomfort. Let simmer until ready to boil-Ignore all symptoms of your child's anger, anxiety or fears. If you pretend they don't exist, they will dis-appear. Beat regularly-It's your job to see that the children shape up. Rea-soning takes too long, and sometimes they don't know what you're talking about. (Too young or too stupid.) A crack across the mouth is easily understood. Bake in the heat of your own temper-Being screamed at will give your child that "fresh" quality. It will also make him a screamer, which will make him very popular with his peers, teachers, colleagues and bosses. Omit God-Teach your kid early that sleeping, golf or tennis is more important than going to a place of worship. On special occasions (se-vere illness or death), you may have to mention God, but don't overdo it. God is to be used only in case of emergency. If you follow these instructions, you are sure to have a problem child of your very own to discuss at cocktail parties-just like every-one else. -I Prefer Plain Cooking Myself Dear Cookie: Now that's what I call a dynamite recipe. I hope no-body tries it because there are already too many unhappy, maladjusted children out there. Some parents must feel they've gotten through the Terrible Twos only to be confronted with the Terrible Teens: WAKE UP A\\U SMELL THE CIIFFEE! 12 1