Dear Ann Landers,
y in-laws are both in their early 70s. I've had no trouble with my mother-in-law ever since I told her to please stop trying to shove her religion down my throat. My father-in-law has become a real problem, however. He was always fond of me, but in the last year or so, his "fatherly" kisses have become much too frequent and not very fatherly. He never does anything out of the way when his wife or my husband are around, but when he catches me in the back hall or behind the bushes, he gets awfully fresh. Last night, I went to the fruit cellar to get some pickled peaches. He followed me into the fruit room and kissed me on the back of the neck. When I was dating, I knew how to deal with clowns who acted like that. I hauled off and planted one on the schnoz. But I just can't do that to my father-in-law. My husband would be furious if he knew his dad was making passes at me. My mother-in-law would kill the old lecher. I don't want him pulverized or dead. What's the best solution?

DEAR SPOT,
Make it a point not to be alone with him-ever. If he follows you again and gets out of line, give him a clop in the chops. On those oc-casions when he forgets you're his daughter-in-law, I say it's all right to forget he's your father-in-law. 650 THE ANN LANDERS ENCYCLOPEDIA TROUBLED IN-LAW