Dear Margo, My wife has cancer. We have been battling it for six years, and short of a major miracle, she will die from it. I am not asking for sympathy. We are living our lives as fully as we can, and we are not shy about discussing all aspects of this battle when it comes to our children, friends and family. Here is my problem: I find it painful when friends say to her, "Get well soon." It hurts to hear these words. They sound so phony, as if she had a broken leg. My wife will NOT get well, soon or ever, for that matter, and everybody knows it, including her. I haven't said anything about this because I know these people mean well, but it makes me want to scream every time I hear it. These friends are important to us, and I don't want to offend them by telling them to stop saying that, so I'm hoping if you print my letter, it will help. - Granada Hills, Calif
Yesterday's Response:
Dear Granada Hills, Here's your letter, but it won't help. People are going to continue to say, "Get well soon," no matter what you say, even though they, too, know your wife is terminal. Play the game. The phrase is intended to be comforting.
Today's Response:
Dear Granada Hills, I think "Get well soon" is a programmed response to any sickness, in the same way that "How are you?" is an automatic greeting. Were I the patient, I might laugh and say, "Well, that's not going to happen, but I appreciate your hopeful wish." People are uncomfortable with illness, so you can imagine what knowledge of a terminal illness is like. I doubt you will change friends' almost automatic response, so take the underlying desire to be positive as a kind of denial. People can be odd about illness. For example, a good girlfriend of mine said close friends would not come into her house when her husband was dying of brain cancer. Go figure. - Margo
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:
Dear Readers, , I have a slightly used boyfriend I’d like to get rid of. He broke his leg skiing last November, and I can’t get him out of my apartment. The young man is thirty-two, unmarried, handsome in a rugged, Irish way, six feet tall, a superb dancer, doesn’t drink or smoke (too much), and he is a writer by profession. This is a part of the problem. He writes checks on our joint account to which he has contrib-uted nothing for eight months. When he broke his leg, I made the horrible mistake of letting him move into the second bed-room. I wouldn’t feel right about throwing him out in the street. An ideal solution would be to find him another home. Please print my name and telephone number. I need someone to take this charming moocher off my hands, and I’m not kidding.-Miss , MUrryhill
