Dear Ann Landers,
s I was snitching a bit of potato salad from the bowl in the fridge before supper last night, my wife caught me and in-sisted that I read your column about the "hog-mouth" husband who was too lazy to get a plate. Now that I have been properly chastened, I will, of course, give up this foul habit. Thanks to 25 years of Ann Landers' brilliant counsel-ing, my wife has molded me into a model of perfection. I no longer dance at parties with a lamp shade on my head, nor do I pinch the fan

dear woman, the pressure of being perfect is getting to me. You and I must be the only two perfect people in the world. How do you deal with it, Annie Baby? -Dudley Dull from the Midwest Dear Dud,
It's easy. I wear my hair in a bouffant style so the halo doesn't show and my clothes are cut to allow extra room for wings. And now may I ask you a question? Do you brush your teeth with gun-powder? Since you do such a good job of shooting your mouth off, I thought I'd ask.