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Dear Ann Landers,
"That's ridiculous. A wife does not have the right to say no unless she has a good reason, and not feeling like it isn't good enough." He wants me to go for counseling so someone can "help me under- • stand." He says that if I go twice, he will go with me the third time. Ann, is it wrong for me to want control over my body and refuse to use it as a bargaining chip to keep a man I'm not sure I want? Am I being unreasonable when I refuse to have sex with him just because he's my husband? Please comment.

Dear Zero,
There's more trouble here than just your husband's sex-ual appetite. The real problems between you two are rooted elsewhere, and I suspect they are of long standing. Your husband sounds like a man who needs to control people. You say you aren't sure you want him. If you do, please tell me what for. Your marriage sounds like a nightmare. Ask yourself: Would your life be better with him or without him? If the answer is with him, get some counseling and hold him to his word to go with you the third time.



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Dear Readers,
, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"Sensual pleasures have the fleeting brilliance of a comet; a happy marriage has the tranquillity of a lovely sunset."
-Ann Landers