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Section: children, relationships, behavior, family
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
I have been going with a man for three years. "Jerome" has a 5-year-old daughter, and I don't know how much longer I can tolerate that child. She tells her father where to sit, where to stand, when to go out and what to eat. She walks around his apartment and insists on holding his hand, no matter what he's doing. She even goes to the bathroom with him. (He says she cries if he locks her out.) If she awakens in the middle of the night, he allows her to sleep with him. Jerome is divorced, and his daughter spends two nights a week at his place. I realize she misses her father, but this seems to me a very unhealthy attachment. When she is with him, she won't play with her toys or watch TV. She only wants to sit on his lap. This child has so many hang-ups it saddens me. Jerome says I am jealous of her, but I don't believe this is true. What do you say, Ann? -- Ready To Give Up in Richmond, Va.

Dear Richmond,
Dump Jerome, unless you are willing to play second fiddle to that pathetic spoiled brat for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, her brattiness is not her fault. Her father (probably guilty about the divorce) has catered to the child to the extent that he is totally under her thumb. Adios, Jerome, and the sooner the better.



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A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!

Reader Comment
For the sake of the child, dump Jerome. The child has lots of problems and she does not need someone in her life like you. You do not like her and are not sure you can tolerate her much longer.

Reader Comment
I agree that there are clearly some issues going on here, but the phrase “pathetic spoiled brat” is absolutely uncalled for. It sounds like the child has attachment disorder and needs to see a psychologist, not be dismissed as a spoiled whiny child who’s stealing her father from his girlfriend.

Reader Comment
I agree that Jerome should be dumped immediately. The child has any issues and certainly is intolerable. This is her father's fault for putting up with the child's ridiculous demands and will only increase as she becomes older. She does need help but it will be a long road if any recovery is possible. Her mother

Deming NM's Comment
Something is definitely wrong. Dump Jerome and call Child Protective Services while the kid has a chance to be helped.

Reader Comment
Call child protective services?? For what?

Chh's Comment
Deming: what the hell?!?

Andy's Comment
She's been going with Jerome for three years and she is just now getting fed up with his brat, not HIS crazy behavior? Something is wrong with her, too. Yes, she should dump him immediately.

Reader Comment
I'm surprised by the comments. This child has issues as a result of the divorce. Have some empathy. Family counseling may help if she wants to save her relationship with Jerome.

Maryann's Comment
He gives in to her inappropriate demands because she cries? This man and his daughter have an unhealthy co-dependent relationship. If you are going crazy now, it will only get worse after you are married. Move on. This is a package deal you do not want to be a part of.
 
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:


Dear Readers,
, I will take your word for it. My husband and I are having a sharp disagreement over something and you are going to settle it. Last night we were invited to a dinner party. The hostess is a good person. She would give anyone the shirt off her back. But she manages to turn every conversation into what you call “an organ recital.” We are all sick to death of listening to her physical complaints. I call her “Mrs. Kvetch.” (Not to her face, of course.) “Mrs. Kvetch” had an operation for gallstones six weeks ago. The entire cocktail hour was devoted to the details of her operation-down to the last stitch. When she brought out the bottle of her gallstones and passed it around, I was appalled. Plus viewing the stones we had to listen to her doc-tor’s appraisal. . . “The largest he had ever seen.” Needless to say, I had no appetite for dinner. (My husband had two help-ings of everything.) What do you think about a hostess who would monopo-lize the entire cocktail hour with talk of her operation and display her gall-stones at a dinner party? STILL NOT HUNGRY

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"If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife."
-Ann Landers