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Section: manners

Dear Ann Landers,
Knowing your strong views about sending thank-you notes, I'm sending a clipping from our local paper as proof that this actually appeared. At the end of an article about the marriage of two local people, along with a beautiful wedding picture, it said, "In lieu of sending personal thank-you notes for wedding gifts, the couple made a donation to the American Cancer Society." Is this the lazy way out, or what? Aren't people who send wedding gifts entitled to a written thank-you note, even if it only says, "Thank you for the wedding gift"? Is it a new trend to thank people en masse when the bridal photo appears in the paper? Please say it isn't so. -- An Ohio Grandmother

Dear Ohio Granny,
No, it's NOT a new trend. It's an attempt to escape the tedious job of writing thank-you notes and, in my book, inexcusable. Anyone who takes the time and spends the money to send a wedding gift is entitled to a written note of appreciation. Anything short of that is a cop-out and totally unacceptable.

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A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!

Patty's Comment
My niece has sent me confirmation, graduation, wedding announcements, to her children, whom I barely know. I have never received a thank you note, from any of her children, and do not wish to shower more gifts on them, when they are so unappreciative! Am I wrong to feel this way?

Aunt Judy 's Comment
When i heard my sisters granddaughter was having a baby I started knitting a cuddling saque and bear hat for pictures and a sweater which i sent atwo months before the baby was due. It’s now three months after the birth and I have yet to receive any acknowledgment much less thanks. It took over a hundred hours for this 80 year old great aunt to make these items and i am not only angry at myself for bothering to have spent the time but at her for not having 5 minutes to write a thank you note. Is there a booklet you have that i can send her so she won’t make this mistake again?
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:

Dear Readers,
, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself, the most comforting words of all; this, too, shall pass."
-Ann Landers