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Advice Topics

Our son and his wife adopted a beautiful little girl when she was 7 days old.

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From Ann's Archives: 1955 to 2002

Dear Ann Landers,
Our son and his wife adopted a beautiful little girl when she was 7 days old. The child will soon be 4 years of age, and they have not told her that she is adopted. We believe this is not right but hesitate to interfere. Any suggestions? -- Concerned Mom and Dad

Dear Mom and Dad,
I don't mind interfering on your behalf. Tell your son the child should be told that she is special because she was "chosen." (And the sooner the better.)

Read More In: manners • children • relationships

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Comments

Sandy's Comment

Mind your business! You and writer. We will tell our adopted children when the time is right. Each child's need is different.

Mike in New Mexico's Comment

Regarding your response to the senior male whose brother is a homosexual. While I believe what you said is correct, I don’t think you went far enough to help the man gain a better understanding of his brother. When I was 16 years old waiting in a city park near downtown Los Angeles for my girlfriend, I was approached by a much older man with three dogs on a leash. He invited me to his apartment “to take a bath” or “to have dinner” – offering both. I was truly scared of this man. When one of the dogs laid down and the other two started to lick it, my fear turned to red hot anger. I left. When I discussed this with my counselor later, he explained that no one is perfectly male or female and what likely happened is that the man triggered my feminine part and the fear of that made me angry. Now 77 years old I have never forgotten the message. God created that man a homosexual and my anger was my own fear. I’ve been in AA for about 30 years and have sponsored numerous men including a half-dozen homosexuals and am sponsoring one now. I don’t get angry because I understand that God, or mother nature if you wish, had a hand in creating these very nice people.

Reader Comment

Somebody in the family will tell the child -- probably in spite. Best to tell the child yourself.

What do you think?

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Our son and his wife adopted a beautiful little girl when she was 7 days old.

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