Dear Ann Landers, I am writing in response to "Managing in Mesa," the disabled woman who complained about people staring at her or asking questions.
I have a different question for her. How are children supposed to react to a person with a handicap if they are not allowed to ask questions? While I don't agree with being cruel or rude, I have always told my children that instead of just staring, they should ask questions. They have since delighted me as well as total strangers with their honesty.
My son once told a lady in line, "That's the nicest wheelchair I ever saw." She smiled and said, "Thank you. I've had it since I was your age." While she didn't go into detail, she explained she had been in a car accident many years before and told my son, "When you grow up, never drink and drive." I'm sure that woman, and what she said, made an indelible impression on my son. So you see, Ann, asking questions can be a good thing. -- Upfront in Vermont
Dear Vermont, Being forthright and honest is always the best way to go. That is how children develop integrity. The woman gave your son some very good advice as well as a fine character lesson.
Dear Ann Landers, My sister is a dwarf and has been confined to a wheelchair for the past nine years. Since I was a small child, I have hated the ignorance with which she is treated. Even when she was able to walk, people would stare at her, step away and even pull their children back as if she had a contagious disease.
Restaurant servers ignore her or ask me what she wants to eat. When that happens, I say, "Why don't you ask her?" This startles them. They apparently don't think she is able to understand or speak. She has had appointments with physicians who rarely talk to her and direct the conversation to whoever is with her. You would think doctors would be less ignorant, but they are not.
It disgusts me when adults behave in this manner. I can only imagine how it makes my sister feel. Please remind your readers that all people deserve to be treated with respect. -- Ignorance Hurts
Dear I.H., Children need to be taught at an early age how they should behave when they encounter someone who is "different." The first lesson is: "Do not stare. If you have questions, ask me later, and I will explain it to you."
When adults treat a physically challenged person as if he or she were brain-damaged, speak up and set them straight. If that individual is embarrassed, fine. The lesson will make an even deeper impression.
Dear Ann Landers, I have a wife and two sons, ages 15 and 12. I love them dearly, but they are so scatterbrained, they drive me nuts.
They constantly are losing keys, glasses, hairbrushes and wallets. They put empty peanut butter jars back in the cabinet and containers in the fridge without the tops screwed on. I once found my wife's purse in the freezer.
I am one of those people who likes everything in its place. I have started hiding items from my family so I can find them when needed. I used to lend my wife and kids the scissors or Scotch tape, but I would never see those things again. Now, I refuse to let my family use any of my belongings.
I'm sure I drive them as crazy as they drive me, but the truth is, they are the ones who need to change. I have pleaded with them to recognize how frustrating their forgetfulness is to me, but they simply laugh and ask, "Where's the TV remote?" (We have at least three, none of which they can locate.)
Do you have a solution to this problem? -- Left-Brained in South Carolina
Dear Left-Brained, I can tell you they will never change, so stop eating yourself up over their "forgetfulness." It must be difficult for a neatnik such as you to live with slobs, but accept with grace that which you cannot change. It's a no-hoper.
Dear Ann Landers, I was invited to the wedding of a close friend last fall. Instead of giving my friend and her husband money, I commissioned a local artist to make a gift for the couple. The artist told me it would take about a month for the work to be completed. I wrote my friend a note apologizing for the delay and explained that I was having something special made for them.
It has been three months, and the work is still not finished. I spoke to the artist, but he won't give me any answers. Should I give the couple a check, apologize again and tell the artist to forget it? Please tell me what to do. -- West Orange, N.J.
Dear W.O., Write a letter to the artist giving him a two-week deadline to complete the picture or the deal is off. Send a copy of the letter to the newlyweds. If "Rembrandt" doesn't make the deadline, ask him to return your deposit. Then, buy the couple a gift.
Dear Ann Landers, I have never cheated on my wife and am absolutely certain that I never will. We have been married for five wonderful years, and our marriage is rock solid. Here's the problem: About a year ago, during a moment of passion, I happened to call out the name of my wife's best friend, "Annabelle." You can imagine my wife's reaction.
Annabelle is single, in her early 20s and good-looking, and she has a terrific figure. She moved out of town three years ago. I made it clear to my wife that nothing ever went on between Annabelle and me and that calling her name was just part of a harmless fantasy. I tried to explain that fantasies are normal and I have no intention of acting them out. My wife accepted this explanation, and things seemed to be going well. Now comes the hard part.
Annabelle visits us once a year and stays for a week. Her visit is coming up soon, and my wife has started to turn very cold. In fact, she's downright hostile. I know she is afraid I will be attracted to Annabelle and feels threatened. What can I do to reassure her and get things back on track? -- Faithful in Denver
Dear Denver, Since you have had sexual fantasies about Annabelle, your wife has some justification for feeling a bit threatened. Start immediately to line up some attractive men for Annabelle to go out with when she is visiting you. Make sure you are never alone with your guest, and most importantly, concentrate on finding a substitute fantasy woman. (Any star of stage or screen will do.) And be especially affectionate to your wife in Annabelle's presence. She will appreciate it.
