Dear Ann Landers, I am a 14-year-old girl and have a friend who is dominating my life. "Julia" calls me so often, my family has started making up excuses why I can't come to the phone. She invites me to her house every day. I usually decline because her brothers are foul-mouthed and Julia constantly gets into fights with her mother. Every time I go there, I come home feeling upset.
I no longer enjoy Julia's company, but she makes me feel so guilty that I wind up making plans with her anyway. I feel sorry for her because she doesn't seem to have any other friends. What makes it even worse is that she gets angry and jealous when I go out with other girls and don't include her. Frankly, my other friends don't like her. She's overly critical and says hurtful things.
I don't know how to get out of this relationship. I don't want to harm her obviously fragile self-confidence, so I lie about how much I value her friendship. When I think of how stuck I am in this situation, I end up in tears. Please tell me what to do. -- New Jersey
Dear N.J., You are very kind to remain friendly with Julia, even though she is domineering and difficult. You need not let her run your life, however. Make dates with other girls, and if Julia doesn't like it, too bad.
Dear Ann Landers, A woman in our office ("Miss Z") has a TV on her desk that she turns on the minute she comes in. It stays on until she goes home.
The other employees and I feel this reflects poorly on our entire office, especially when someone from the outside comes in. Miss Z is very intimidating, and no one in our office dares approach her about this, plus she has the most seniority. Our boss has made it clear that he doesn't want to be bothered with such petty issues. What is your opinion on this matter? -- No Name, No State
Dear N.N.N.S., Sounds like the boss is also intimidated. Too bad. The old battle-ax wins again.
Dear Ann Landers, I am sure you get many letters complaining about rude, crude and abusive sales clerks. I would like to say a word in their defense.
My job is to evaluate clerks. I have a long list of people I observe, interact with and rate according to 30 factors. They have no idea who I am. I've been doing this work for five years and have visited more than 400 "installations," from small convenience stores to large department stores.
I have demanded services to which I was not entitled and asked for "extras" the stores were under no obligation to provide. I have been deliberately antagonistic and sometimes downright nasty. I once tried to return an item that had been purchased at another store. The clerk took it and gave me a full credit. I have yet to find a sales clerk who was crude, rude or unpleasant.
When you get letters complaining about sales clerks, I would bet they are from people who have tried to return merchandise that has obviously been used or for which they have no receipt, or the customer insisted the clerk take a credit card that had expired or been maxed out. Please don't print my name or city, Ann. It is essential that my identity not be revealed. Sign me -- Mystery Shopper in the USA
Dear Mystery, It appears from your incognito research that the vast majority of sales clerks have the patience of Job. While a few may be surly and unpleasant, most people would agree with your assessment that sales clerks live by the motto "the customer is always right," even when he isn't.
Dear Ann Landers, I have never cheated on my wife and am absolutely certain that I never will. We have been married for five wonderful years, and our marriage is rock solid. Here's the problem: About a year ago, during a moment of passion, I happened to call out the name of my wife's best friend, "Annabelle." You can imagine my wife's reaction.
Annabelle is single, in her early 20s and good-looking, and she has a terrific figure. She moved out of town three years ago. I made it clear to my wife that nothing ever went on between Annabelle and me and that calling her name was just part of a harmless fantasy. I tried to explain that fantasies are normal and I have no intention of acting them out. My wife accepted this explanation, and things seemed to be going well. Now comes the hard part.
Annabelle visits us once a year and stays for a week. Her visit is coming up soon, and my wife has started to turn very cold. In fact, she's downright hostile. I know she is afraid I will be attracted to Annabelle and feels threatened. What can I do to reassure her and get things back on track? -- Faithful in Denver
Dear Denver, Since you have had sexual fantasies about Annabelle, your wife has some justification for feeling a bit threatened. Start immediately to line up some attractive men for Annabelle to go out with when she is visiting you. Make sure you are never alone with your guest, and most importantly, concentrate on finding a substitute fantasy woman. (Any star of stage or screen will do.) And be especially affectionate to your wife in Annabelle's presence. She will appreciate it.
Dear Ann Landers, I am a 27-year-old woman currently living in a large house with three roommates -- two male, one female. One of the guys, "Eddie," owns the house.
I think Eddie is obsessive-compulsive. He pastes our names on the silverware so we will know which fork to use. He has assigned us parking spots, even though we have no parking lot and use a public street. He posts a calendar for us to mark off which days we are using the laundry facilities. I once put a mark on the wrong day, and instead of erasing it, he got a new calendar.
I could live with his quirks except for one thing. He often tells me personal, intimate things about his life, including how much he longs for someone special to be with. I get the distinct impression he wants that someone to be me.
Eddie doesn't frighten me, but I'm uncomfortable around him.
I don't want to move out, Ann. The rent is cheap, I have my own room, and the other roommates are great. I cannot afford anything better. The only solution I've found is to work late and spend as much time in my room as possible. Do you have any other suggestions? -- Whacked Out in the West
Dear Whacked, It sounds as if Eddie has some strudel in his noodle. He's a control freak and not about to change. Start looking around for other living quarters pronto, and see if you can find a pal or two to join you.
