Dear Ann Landers,
My wife, age 52, was diagnosed with kidney cancer three years ago and had a kidney surgically removed. Thankfully, her doctors managed to get it in time, and "Mildred" recovered beautifully. When Mildred returned home from the hospital, she began to see a psychologist who recommended she contact a man in our town who had had a similar operation and could act as a mentor. My wife called "Harry" and invited him to our home. He was 48, divorced, warm and outgoing, and owned a prosperous business. Harry visited Mildred occasionally, and they discussed how best to cope with kidney disease, whether vitamins were helpful, and so on. A few weeks later, Mildred purchased a cellphone and had the monthly bill forwarded to her place at work. I never heard her phone conversations, nor did I see the bills, but I did question her about having the bills forwarded to her office. When she confessed that she did not want me to see her personal calls, I decided to investigate. I learned that Mildred made 120 calls to Harry on her cellphone. She called him morning, noon and night, every day of the week. Three calls were made from out of state while she was visiting our son. When I confronted Mildred about all these calls, she said, "Harry is my friend. I needed him. He saved my life. His voice gives me strength." Later, I found a note written in her shorthand. I asked her to read it to me, but she refused, so I had the note translated by a professional. It said, "I can't see you anymore. I have a husband. You knew that from the beginning." What do you make of this? -- East-Coaster

Dear East-Coaster,
No mystery here. Harry and Mildred have been getting together. Mildred telling Harry that she can't see him anymore indicates that she is ending the relationship. Her saying "You knew I had a husband from the beginning" is interesting. She knew it, too, so there is plenty of blame to go around. Apparently, whatever was going on is over, so forgive and forget.

Dear Ann Landers,
I would like to address this message to the grown children of widowers who are involved in relationships with widows in the evening of their lives. Many of these children do not understand how important we are to one another, and they treat us as if we were "intruders." To these children, I would like to say: I am the one who makes sure your father takes along a jacket so he doesn't get chilled in an air-conditioned movie theater. I am the one to whom he tells all his life stories, often more than once, and I still listen to them respectfully. I am the one who goes to the doctor with him, at his request, to help him remember what the doctor says. I am the one who plays cards with him as we listen to music, just to keep him company and because I like him. I am the one who watches that he doesn't eat the foods the doctor has told him he shouldn't have. I am the one who sits by his bedside in the hospital, making sure he is cared for, fluffing his pillow, speaking to the doctors, reporting back to you and, finally, driving him home to his apartment. I am also the one who respects and admires your father, values his opinion, appreciates his kindnesses, loves his affection, revels in his compliments and needs his companionship. You should call me now and then and let me know you are pleased that I am in your father's life. -- Florida Widow

Dear Florida,
I wonder how many sons and daughters who read your letter today will make that phone call? I'll bet it will be more than you think.

Dear Ann Landers,
I am a 24-year-old divorcee and have been dating a 63-year-old widower for the past seven months. He is not a millionaire, nor is he famous, but he has something that is almost impossible to find in men my age these days. I'm talking about integrity, maturity and a sense of responsibility. Best of all, he is a gentleman and knows how to treat a woman. This man was not looking for a trophy girlfriend. He is very much into physical fitness and wanted a woman who shared his enthusiasm for scuba diving, weightlifting, running, motorcycling and dancing. Both his family and mine have been supportive of our relationship. My parents saw me leave an abusive marriage, and his children know how much he suffered when his wife of 38 years died after a long illness. They just want us to be happy. I realize if we stay together, I may wind up being his caretaker and possibly a young widow, but I am perfectly willing to take that risk. -- May-December Magic

Dear Magic,
This could work because your eyes are wide open and you understand the risks. I wish you all the best. Here's one more on the subject: Dear Ann: A family in Michigan had three daughters. The youngest, "Stella," married a wealthy man her own age. After a few years, he fell in love with a married woman. Together, they plotted and executed the murder of the woman's husband. Stella's husband is still in prison. Stella died after enduring years of grief. The second daughter, "Hortense," married a young businessman. During his midlife crisis, he fell in love with another woman and deserted Hortense and their five children, along with his elderly mother, who lived with them. Grieving over the breakup of the family, his mother and youngest son died. I married the youngest daughter, "Grace," when she was 24 and I was 46. I was concerned about our age difference and suggested she pick a younger suitor. Taking this as a mark of good character, she said, "Let's proceed." We have been married for 47 years and have two sons. I am now 93, Grace is 71, and we are still dancing. I bless the day we met. -- H.B. in Salem, Ore.

Dear Ann Landers,
My husband and I retired to Florida a few years ago, leaving our three grown children back in our hometown up north. We are having a wonderful life, and my husband is as happy as a lark. I also should be happy. Everything here is great. The weather is beautiful. We are enjoying good health and have met some lovely people. We both do some volunteer work, so please do not assume we are selfishly wasting our lives. The problem is our children. They aren't kids anymore, but each of them is in trouble. One daughter is married and "no longer in love." She has a boyfriend. Another daughter is living with a younger man I know she'll have to support for the rest of her life because he doesn't believe in work. She also has his two teenagers living with them. Another daughter is going through a miserable divorce. She has a son who surely will end up in jail again if he isn't there already. I should be having the time of my life, but there is such a sadness around me that I fight it daily. I don't know what to do, Ann. All these troubled adult children are getting the best of me. I try to hide my anxiety from my husband because I don't want him to be as miserable as I am. What should I do, Ann? Please throw me a lifeline. -- Heavy-Hearted in the Palms

Dear H.H.,
First, you should discuss with your husband what is going on with the children. They're his, too, you know. It will help to have his support. Next, you need some counseling to help you cope with your anxiety. (An antidepressant could be a great help.) Your counselor will explain that you are not responsible for the lives of your adult children. It is time to let them untangle their own messes and grow up. It may be difficult not to become involved in their problems, but it could be the biggest favor you ever will do for them. In the meantime, you deserve to enjoy your retirement years. Don't let your children spoil them for you.

Dear Ann Landers,
Is it adultery if a married man goes out once a week with a woman who is also married and whose husband works nights? My husband swears no sex is involved. According to him, adultery means sex between a married person and a single person. What is your verdict?--Little Egypt