Dear Ann Landers, Two years ago, I met a wonderful man, and we have been dating ever since. When "Bob" bought a home last May, he asked me to move in with him. I knew his mother would be moving in, too, but I thought it would be temporary.
Well, it's been eight months, and she is still here. I cook, clean and do laundry, but she does everything over again, saying I didn't do a good job. She has peculiar eating habits, which makes it difficult for me to prepare a tasty meal that everyone can enjoy. When I try to cook something she can eat, she claims my cooking "doesn't taste right" and adds other ingredients or dilutes it with water. She also tells me I shouldn't use a mop on the floor because "it's not clean unless you get down on your hands and knees and scrub."
I've told Bob several times that I am ready to pack up and leave, but he cries and begs me to stay. I honestly don't want to go, Ann. I really love the guy. Can you help me? -- Exasperated in Salem, Ore.
Dear Salem, Face it. Your boyfriend is going to have to decide: Either his mother must live elsewhere, or you leave -- unless, of course, you are willing to put up with the old battle-ax forever.
Since you aren't married yet, there's a chance you may win the power struggle, but I wouldn't bet on it. Your future mother-in-law is going to be a thorn in your side, a fly in your ointment and a bone in your throat forever. Get some counseling to give yourself confidence and strength. You're going to need it.
Gem of the Day: If you think you are a person of influence, try ordering someone else's dog around.
Dear Ann Landers, I've been going with a wristwatch salesman for 16 months. He takes me to the most expensive places, and last year for my birthday he gave me a beautiful watch.
Something weird is going on, and I can't figure out what's at the bottom of it. His stenographer is overly interested in our personal business. She wants to know where we go, how much he spends and what we talk about.
Last night, I'm sure I saw her following us in her car. The night before, she sat directly behind us at the movies. I asked my boyfriend to explain this. He said he didn't want it to "get around" because it'd be bad for business, but she's his first cousin. He claims she's very competent and he can't tell her off because she might quit. He asks that I be patient and overlook her odd behavior. What do you make of it?
--Shadowed
Dear Shadowed, A watch last year, but this year, you're getting the works.
The reason the girl is so interested in what's going on is because your boyfriend has probably been making time with her, too. Plain, ordinary, everyday cousins don't go to such lengths to find out what's buzzin', unless they're kissin' kin, that is.
Tell your watch salesman to unwind himself from this private eye or you'll try to find a boyfriend from a less closely knit family.
Dear Ann Landers, I am a male escort working on my master's degree at a university in Washington, D.C. I take out women (usually my mother's age) and am well paid. There is no sex involved. These women simply need a decent-looking, well-dressed guy to take them to various social events at which they would feel ill at ease if not accompanied.
Very few friends know about my "moonlighting," which is the way I want it. I have met some interesting, intelligent women in my work, most of them widowed or divorced. Three of these women would like to marry me.
Marriage is out of the question. I am gay. Should I tell them? It would be easier than trying to make up reasons for my lack of interest. Yes or no, Ann? -- Mr. X in D.C.
Dear Mr. X, No. A negative response to the marriage proposals is adequate. There is no need to go into detail about your personal life. Meanwhile, don't be ashamed of your part-time job. The older women are no doubt grateful for the company. And escorting them to social events is a lot easier than cleaning office buildings at night.
Dear Ann Landers, That letter from "Jack Sprat II" really irked me. He said his wife's extra poundage turned him off. If this guy hasn't made love to his wife in four years, there's more wrong with him than diabetes and an obese wife.
I am also diabetic, and my wife is 100 pounds heavier than she should be, but I love her with all my heart. Does Jack seriously think HE is as attractive as he was when they married? I'll bet he isn't. I know I'm not.
His wife may need counseling to curb her overeating, but Jack could use some counseling to improve his lousy attitude and learn to appreciate the woman he has. A good woman, of any size, is hard to find. I am profoundly grateful for mine. -- Tom in Miami
Dear Tom, Beautifully said. And now, I hope your wife appreciates YOU.
Dear Ann Landers, I would like to address this message to the grown children of widowers who are involved in relationships with widows in the evening of their lives. Many of these children do not understand how important we are to one another, and they treat us as if we were "intruders." To these children, I would like to say:
I am the one who makes sure your father takes along a jacket so he doesn't get chilled in an air-conditioned movie theater.
I am the one to whom he tells all his life stories, often more than once, and I still listen to them respectfully.
I am the one who goes to the doctor with him, at his request, to help him remember what the doctor says.
I am the one who plays cards with him as we listen to music, just to keep him company and because I like him.
I am the one who watches that he doesn't eat the foods the doctor has told him he shouldn't have.
I am the one who sits by his bedside in the hospital, making sure he is cared for, fluffing his pillow, speaking to the doctors, reporting back to you and, finally, driving him home to his apartment.
I am also the one who respects and admires your father, values his opinion, appreciates his kindnesses, loves his affection, revels in his compliments and needs his companionship.
You should call me now and then and let me know you are pleased that I am in your father's life. -- Florida Widow
Dear Florida, I wonder how many sons and daughters who read your letter today will make that phone call? I'll bet it will be more than you think.
