Dear Ann Landers,
I am a 14-year-old girl and have a friend who is dominating my life. "Julia" calls me so often, my family has started making up excuses why I can't come to the phone. She invites me to her house every day. I usually decline because her brothers are foul-mouthed and Julia constantly gets into fights with her mother. Every time I go there, I come home feeling upset. I no longer enjoy Julia's company, but she makes me feel so guilty that I wind up making plans with her anyway. I feel sorry for her because she doesn't seem to have any other friends. What makes it even worse is that she gets angry and jealous when I go out with other girls and don't include her. Frankly, my other friends don't like her. She's overly critical and says hurtful things. I don't know how to get out of this relationship. I don't want to harm her obviously fragile self-confidence, so I lie about how much I value her friendship. When I think of how stuck I am in this situation, I end up in tears. Please tell me what to do. -- New Jersey

Dear N.J.,
You are very kind to remain friendly with Julia, even though she is domineering and difficult. You need not let her run your life, however. Make dates with other girls, and if Julia doesn't like it, too bad.

Dear Ann Landers,
My husband and I have been married for 12 years and are unable to have children. A year ago, my niece, "Nicole," became pregnant by her boyfriend, who then left her. She was 18. He was 20. When her boyfriend walked out, my husband and I offered to adopt the baby. Nicole said she wanted to put the experience behind her and agreed to the adoption. The papers were signed. We live in another city, so we invited Nicole to move in with us until the baby was born. I accompanied her to the obstetrician during her pregnancy, and my husband and I were with her when she gave birth to her son. Two days ago, Nicole's mother (my sister) called to say Nicole wants the baby back. It seems she and the ex-boyfriend have settled their differences and are going to be married. My sister matter-of-factly described the previous breakup as a "misunderstanding" and said the kids want to raise their son. Ann, there are no words to describe how we feel. We want to retain custody of our son, but we don't want to put him through a long and protracted custody battle. Do you have any advice? We are -- Living a Nightmare in New York State

Dear N.Y.,
Check with a lawyer, and learn what your chances are of winning custody. If it is likely that you will lose the child, give him up willingly and avoid an ugly court fight that could drag on for years and create wounds that may never heal. I wish you luck.

Dear Ann Landers,
Please help me figure this out. I am seven months pregnant, and my husband still hasn't told his mother. She lives in another city. We already have one child, so it's not as if she doesn't know we are sleeping together. My husband obviously doesn't have a close relationship with his mother, but this example of poor communication makes me uncomfortable. I wanted to tell her, but he said he wanted to do it himself. Meanwhile, he keeps putting it off. My mother-in-law phoned the other day, and I didn't know what to say when she asked, "How are you doing?" Should I tell her I'm pregnant or just wait until the baby is born? I'm pretty sure my husband won't have any trouble telling her then. -- Infanticipating in Berkeley, Calif.

Dear Berkeley,
Tell her yourself, and the sooner the better. Apparently, your husband has some kind of hang-up about his mother. So, my dear, out with it.

Dear Ann Landers,
I am a 15-year-old sophomore girl. I make decent grades and am a normal teenager in every way. At the beginning of the school year, I hit it off with a girl who had just moved to our town over the summer. "Lottie" and I have the same taste in music and movies, and we like to hang out at the mall after school. We've become great friends in just a few months, and last weekend, Lottie invited me to sleep over at her house. Everything was great until it came time for bed. Lottie's bedroom has a double bed, which we were supposed to share. That would have been OK, except she stripped completely naked before she got into bed. Ann, I have no objection to sleeping in the nude, but this was in the winter, and it was plenty cold outside. I asked Lottie whether she wouldn't be warmer in pajamas. She replied that she was more comfortable sleeping nude and her electric blanket would keep her toasty warm. I reluctantly got into bed but kept wondering whether Lottie was trying to seduce me. Her electric blanket was turned on so high that I was tempted to take off my flannel nightshirt. I decided not to, thinking maybe that was what she wanted me to do. Lottie made no other moves on me, but I barely slept all night. What should I do? I don't want to accuse her of being a lesbian, but I can't stop wondering whether she is interested in me sexually. Lottie is the best friend I ever had, and I would hate to lose her over this. Please tell me what to do. -- Befuddled in Northern California

Dear Befuddled,
Trust your instincts. Lottie may be perfectly straight, but I wouldn't bet the rent. If you want to continue the friendship, OK, but do not accept any more invitations to sleep at her place, and don't let her finagle an invitation to stay at yours.

Dear Ann Landers,
My 32-year-old daughter is getting married for the second time. My daughter and I have a good relationship, but my ex-wife and I barely speak. She and my daughter made all the wedding preparations and paid for the whole thing without any assistance from me. I received a wedding invitation, but it excluded my fiancee, "Greta." Greta and I have been together for the past six years. During this time, my daughter has visited us often and always seemed comfortable with the relationship. Greta is very hurt and angry that she was not invited to the wedding. She asked me to speak to my daughter about the "oversight" and said that if no invitation was forthcoming, I should not go to the wedding, either. I spoke to my daughter, who told me it was the expressed desire of her mother, my ex-wife, not to invite Greta. My daughter receives a lot of financial help from her mother and is obviously reluctant to go against her mother's wishes. What should I do? If I attend the wedding alone, Greta will think I let her down. If I don't go at all, my daughter will assume I favor my fiancee over her and will be crushed. Any suggestions would be appreciated. -- Dad in Bonita, Calif.

Dear Dad,
Greta should have been invited to the wedding because she has been your significant other for six years. She was not invited, however, which means she is not welcome. It would be classy of Greta to say, "Go -- have a good time, and bring me a piece of wedding cake." If she does not choose to be gracious, go anyway. This is your daughter's day, and her wish to have you there takes precedence.