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Is it adultery if a married man goes out once a week with a woman who is also married and whose husband works nights?

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From Ann's Archives: 1955 to 2002
Dear Ann Landers,
Is it adultery if a married man goes out once a week with a woman who is also married and whose husband works nights? My husband swears no sex is involved. According to him, adultery means sex between a married person and a single person. What is your verdict?--Little Egypt
Read More In:   relationships
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Comments

  Reader Comment
Oh, good grief! Why do women tolerate this nonsense? This woman's husband is having a weekly date with someone else. She seems hung up on semantics--'Is this adultery?' If it isn't already adultery, it soon will be. If the actual act has not taken place, adultery can also be committed in the heart. She needs to give a clear ultimatum: 'Either this ends now, or you pack your bags and leave.'

  Janice's Comment
Insecure people do not allow their spouses/partners to be friends with persons of the opposite sex. Secure people allow it. I am female, my best friend is male, and there is no sex involved and no sex desired by either of us. If this letter writer is not secure enough to allow her husband his friendship with a female, she should work on becoming secure enough. Controlling insecurity is never attractive and will never benefit her marriage. I don't think it was called for to put the word sexless within quotation marks, implying that the husband is lying. Nor was it appropriate to assume that the other husband doesn't know about his wife's friendship and would be enraged if he did. Pertaining to a reader comment, every, but every, married person has committed 'adultery in the heart', and it's insane to object to or to try to police such thoughts.

  Diana's Comment
Has your husband told you that you may not join them on this weekly dinner date and enjoy some conversation, wine, and food; if he has said you can’t join in whenever you want to, then there’s a problem. Why is your husband depriving you of possibly making a new friend yourself?

  Wolfen's Comment
People who allow it are foolish and deserve what they get!

  virginia's Comment
Ann landers archives may 1960 header 'she won't let him read her diary'
 
What do you think?
 



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I�ve been going with a wristwatch salesman for 16 months. He takes me to the most expensive places, and last year for my birthday he gave me a beautiful watch. Something weird is going on, and I can�t figure out what�s at the bottom of it. His stenographer is overly interested in our personal business. She wants to know where we go, how much he spends and what we talk about. Last night, I�m sure I saw her following us in her car. The night before, she sat directly behind us at the movies. I asked my boyfriend to explain this. He said he didn�t want it to �get around� because it�d be bad for business, but she�s his first cousin. He claims she�s very competent and he can�t tell her off because she might quit. He asks that I be patient and overlook her odd behavior. What do you make of it? �Shadowed
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“
At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
- Ann Landers
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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. Generally, we have a great relationship, except when it comes to his mother. She has started calling my house three or four times a night. (We do not live together.) Most of the time, she calls about nothing -- she heard a funny story about a neighbor, she saw something good on TV and so on. Whenever I visit my parents, she calls me at least twice to find out if "everything is OK." She also calls our friends to find out if my boyfriend and I are getting along. The phone calls aren't the only way she butts into our lives. She has questioned the amount of time we spend together and what my parents think about it. I tried planning a party for him, and she decided to take over the guest list, the menu and everything else. (I ended up canceling the whole thing.) She has made it clear that her son is not to move out of town, no matter how good an offer he gets, because the family must "stay together." Although I am a college graduate and earn $50,000 a year, she thinks I should go back to school and get a doctorate. Ann, I want a future with this man, but I don't want to end up with a mother-in-law who tries to run my life. Please advise. -- Mothered Out in Iowa
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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. Generally, we have a great relationship, except when it comes to his mother. She has started calling my house three or four times a night. (We do not live together.) Most of the time, she calls about nothing -- she heard a funny story about a neighbor, she saw something good on TV and so on. Whenever I visit my parents, she calls me at least twice to find out if "everything is OK." She also calls our friends to find out if my boyfriend and I are getting along. The phone calls aren't the only way she butts into our lives. She has questioned the amount of time we spend together and what my parents think about it. I tried planning a party for him, and she decided to take over the guest list, the menu and everything else. (I ended up canceling the whole thing.) She has made it clear that her son is not to move out of town, no matter how good an offer he gets, because the family must "stay together." Although I am a college graduate and earn $50,000 a year, she thinks I should go back to school and get a doctorate. Ann, I want a future with this man, but I don't want to end up with a mother-in-law who tries to run my life. Please advise. -- Mothered Out in Iowa
I am a male escort working on my master's degree at a university in Washington, D.C. I take out women (usually my mother's age) and am well paid. There is no sex involved. These women simply need a decent-looking, well-dressed guy to take them to various social events at which they would feel ill at ease if not accompanied. Very few friends know about my "moonlighting," which is the way I want it. I have met some interesting, intelligent women in my work, most of them widowed or divorced. Three of these women would like to marry me. Marriage is out of the question. I am gay. Should I tell them? It would be easier than trying to make up reasons for my lack of interest. Yes or no, Ann? -- Mr. X in D.C.
READ MORE →
I am a male escort working on my master's degree at a university in Washington, D.C. I take out women (usually my mother's age) and am well paid. There is no sex involved. These women simply need a decent-looking, well-dressed guy to take them to various social events at which they would feel ill at ease if not accompanied. Very few friends know about my "moonlighting," which is the way I want it. I have met some interesting, intelligent women in my work, most of them widowed or divorced. Three of these women would like to marry me. Marriage is out of the question. I am gay. Should I tell them? It would be easier than trying to make up reasons for my lack of interest. Yes or no, Ann? -- Mr. X in D.C.
I�ve been going with a wristwatch salesman for 16 months. He takes me to the most expensive places, and last year for my birthday he gave me a beautiful watch. Something weird is going on, and I can�t figure out what�s at the bottom of it. His stenographer is overly interested in our personal business. She wants to know where we go, how much he spends and what we talk about. Last night, I�m sure I saw her following us in her car. The night before, she sat directly behind us at the movies. I asked my boyfriend to explain this. He said he didn�t want it to �get around� because it�d be bad for business, but she�s his first cousin. He claims she�s very competent and he can�t tell her off because she might quit. He asks that I be patient and overlook her odd behavior. What do you make of it? �Shadowed
READ MORE →
I�ve been going with a wristwatch salesman for 16 months. He takes me to the most expensive places, and last year for my birthday he gave me a beautiful watch. Something weird is going on, and I can�t figure out what�s at the bottom of it. His stenographer is overly interested in our personal business. She wants to know where we go, how much he spends and what we talk about. Last night, I�m sure I saw her following us in her car. The night before, she sat directly behind us at the movies. I asked my boyfriend to explain this. He said he didn�t want it to �get around� because it�d be bad for business, but she�s his first cousin. He claims she�s very competent and he can�t tell her off because she might quit. He asks that I be patient and overlook her odd behavior. What do you make of it? �Shadowed

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