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I am 65 years old and the eldest sibling of five

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From Ann's Archives: 1955 to 2002
Dear Ann Landers,
I am 65 years old and the eldest sibling of five. This is my problem: My younger brother, Bill (number 3) came out of the closets a gay man about ten years ago. This didn't surprise me, I had suspected it for quite a while. All my family want our father to know, and I am against it. Our father is 87, raised in a small town all his life, and would be devastated to learn that he has a gay son. Bill seems to be indifferent. When Bill does visit, he leaves his partner home, which is out of state, and the family acts as if everything is normal. Dad is happy and I want him to stay that way. We all love and support Bill, but I need some advice on how to handle this with my siblings. - Concerned son
Read More In:   family • aging • relationships • sexuality
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Comments

  normadesmond's Comment
I always wanted to come out to my grandparents. Their daughter, my aunt, who is gay, forbade me. She did her best to throw them off the track, but felt my admission would shine the spotlight on her. Grandparents are now long gone. We've since learned that Grandpa knew who his butch daughter was. I just know he knew who is sissy grandson really was! Grandma was naive and simple. They might not have like hearing it, but they should've.

  Joe's Comment
It's up to Bill and his partner.

  Renault's Comment
No one gets to decide how someone else comes out or when or why then. The family needs to sit the hell down. This isn't their news.

  Been There's Comment
Coming out of the closet is a misnomer. The action should really be allowing others into your closet. Of course, the closet is only so big so at some point you and your friends will no longer fit in the closet, but the same feeling exist. If a gay person wants to let others know about his/her sexuality, it should be up to them to tell. If Bill is feeling indifferent about telling his grandfather, others should respect that.

  MEGFS's Comment
Still trying to be the oldest and control what others are doing? Stop, just stop. Let them run their own lives. Yes, it is possible that your father will be upset. Let this be up to Bill and his partner to handle. Either way it turns out, keep 'I told you so' in the closet.

  K's Comment
I'm sorry to be cynical but as someone who went through an older generation fighting over the will of a sibling with no family left but them, it sounds like the other siblings who want to out their brother are thinking dad might disown him and they will in turn get a larger piece of the pie. If he has been out for 10 years and doesn't bring his partner to see dad then let him live his life as he pleases. It's none of your business and he has to answer to God, not you.

  QQQ's Comment
Ho ho ho...no one thought of the most obvious answer. They all want Bill to come out, dad to get angry and cut Bill out of the will....more money for them...so transparent.

  Mary C's Comment
Dad probably knows and doesn't want to upset the kids. These things have a way of making themselves known. It is up to any gay person to decide whether they want to share the news.

  Reader Comment
I can't imagine keeping my husband a secret from my parents. Let Bill do what he thinks is best.
 
What do you think?
 



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