Dear Ann Landers, I feel compelled to respond to the letter from "M.J. in Sarasota," who decided to have a hysterectomy to make absolutely certain she would never get ovarian cancer. She still needs to be careful.
I was diagnosed with fibroid tumors in 1988. Even though there was no family history of ovarian cancer, I decided not to take any chances and had a complete hysterectomy. Eight years later, I was shocked to discover I had Stage III ovarian cancer.
Many women do not realize that malignant cells in the ovaries can spread through the surrounding tissue. Even if the ovaries are removed, ovarian cancer can still develop elsewhere. It is important to continue watching for signs of the disease. I am enclosing a list of the symptoms of ovarian cancer, and I hope you will print it for all the women in your reading audience. -- Shirley in Orlando, Fla.
Dear Shirley, Thank you for educating my readers today. According to the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance, a national education and advocacy organization, ovarian cancers occur in one out of 55 women at any age. Most women are diagnosed when the chance for survival for five years is about 20 percent. Early detection improves survival rates. Symptoms are subtle at first but become more persistent and identifiable as time goes on.
Any woman who experiences the following symptoms for more than two or three weeks should see her doctor and ask for a combination pelvic/rectal exam, a CA-125 blood test and a transvaginal sonogram:
-- Bloating, a feeling of fullness or gas.
-- Frequent or urgent urination.
-- Nausea, indigestion, constipation or diarrhea.
-- Menstrual disorders or pain during intercourse.
-- Fatigue or backaches.
For more information on ovarian cancer, contact the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance, P.O. Box 33107, Washington, D.C. 20033 (www.ovariancancer.org), or assess your risk at the Women's Cancer Network website (www.wcn.org). For a free brochure, call the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition at 1-888-OVARIAN (www.ovarian.org).
Dear Ann Landers, In a recent case, the Florida Supreme Court ruled that parents alone make the decision whether or not grandparents may see their grandchildren.
I am a pastor and counselor in Florida. For years, I have been privy to the horror stories of seniors whose grandchildren are used as bargaining chips in an effort to control wealth and influence relationships. Since nothing is more precious to seniors than their grandchildren, the threat goes like this: "If you don't agree to do this or that, you will never see your grandchildren again." If the grandparents don't cave in, the result is often total abandonment.
Florida is filled with happy retirees with good relationships, but there are also hundreds of seniors, who are forgotten and warehoused in nursing homes or trailer parks. Their only connection to family members is the outdated pictures of grandkids whom they never get to know. This is a tragedy. Everybody loses. -- Dr. R.S., Ridge Manor, Fla.
Dear Dr. R.S., Thanks for the words of wisdom. I hope the children who are neglecting their elderly parents will ask themselves, "Could this be me?" The answer is "Probably."
Dear Ann Landers, I am writing this as I face months of growing out a miserable haircut. I want all barbers everywhere to become aware of what is universally the major complaint against members of their profession. It is taking off too much hair.
I spent 20 years in the Navy where we were required to get regulation short haircuts.
Now that I am retired, I should be able to enjoy the freedom of longer hair, but it seems I am doomed to be denied this pleasure. A barber can always take off more hair if the customer feels it's still too long, but he cannot put hair back on. The fact that hair does eventually grow back is small consolation when you look as if you've been scalped.
I know this is a minor problem compared to others you get, Ann, but right now, I'm so darned mad, I decided the best way to let off steam and maybe educate those scissor-happy nitwits was to write to you and pray that my letter makes the paper. Sign me -- Shorn in San Diego
Dear Shorn, I'm sure your letter will not be taped to any barbershop mirrors around the world, but rest assured, your barber, as well as thousands of other barbers, will see it and ask, "Could this be me?"
Those who cut women's hair should also pay attention. There is no wrath equal to that of a woman shorn.
Dear Ann Landers, A few years ago, you printed a poem in your column. I do not remember the name of it, but some of the lines were: "Kisses aren't promises" and "Even sunshine burns if you get too much."
I would dearly love to have another copy of that poem because it touched me deeply. I hope you can find it and print it again. -- L.B. in Cordova, Tenn.
Dear L.B., That poem is one of the most requested by my readers. I am pleased to print it again for you and others who have asked. Here it is:
After a While
by Veronica A. Shoffstall
After a while, you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
And futures have a way of falling down in midflight.
After a while, you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure ...
That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn ...
With every goodbye, you learn.
Dear Ann Landers, I have been married for three years, and it is obvious that my mother does not like my wife. I can deal with that, but I'm becoming increasingly upset by the way Mom behaves around "Amelia."
Two weeks ago, there was a milestone family affair, and we hired a professional photographer to take pictures. As we were preparing to pose for the photo shoot, my mother informed Amelia that she could not be in the pictures because she was not a blood relative and therefore not a family member. My wife stepped out, but I could see she was very hurt.
There have been other instances, as well. One evening when several of us went to the theater together, Mom happened to end up sitting next to Amelia. She abruptly stood up, moved to the other side of the row and announced, "I want to sit next to my son."
I have asked my mother to please stop treating Amelia so shabbily, but she insists she has nothing against my wife and accuses me of being overly sensitive. I hope you can help me. -- Not Mama's Boy in Missouri
Dear Missouri, Your signature does not match your letter. You certainly sound like a mama's boy to me, and a gutless one at that.
Why did you not speak up on your wife's behalf when your mother decided Amelia couldn't be in the family pictures because she wasn't a blood relative? And when your mother demanded to sit next to you in the theater, why didn't you arrange the seating so your wife could be on the other side?
As long as you permit your mother to abuse Amelia, she is going to do it. It's high time you asserted yourself, sonny boy. Check out the Bible, where it says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be one flesh." Copy that directive on a piece of paper, and tape it to your bathroom mirror.
