Dear Ann Landers, "Smarter Now in Florida" wanted to know what kind of person looks for companionship through personal ads. I can tell her. They are the same "losers" who look for employment in the classifieds because they have exhausted all other possibilities and are pretty darned desperate. And how about us morons who look in the newspaper to find a used car, kitchen appliances and "like-new" TV sets? Heaven help us! Haven't we any other resources?
Not all of us can go to an Ivy League college and meet Mr. or Ms. Right on campus. Nor do we all work in a profession that allows us a large circle of acquaintances with similar interests. Take night classes? Do volunteer work? Know what we'll find? Two hundred women in full war paint and one cowering male.
For some of us, personal ads are the perfect solution. I met my wonderful husband when he responded to an ad I placed many years ago. Our son is now in college, and our marriage is the envy of our friends. Using personals to find a wealthy man who looks like a movie star is nonsense, but for the discerning, sane and sensible, the personals are the way to go. -- A.G. in Hollywood, Calif.
Dear A.G., Thanks for your vote of approval on the personals. I was unprepared for the blizzard of letters from readers who also sang the praises of those ads. Keep reading for another one:
From Boston: I was 39 and had never been married. The divorced gentleman I met through the personals proved to be everything I had hoped for. We hit it off on the telephone and arranged to meet in a public place. His ad was completely truthful. We both were in the high-tech industry, had excellent careers and were too busy to run around looking for a mate. We married one year after our first date and will soon celebrate our eighth wedding anniversary.
From Detroit: One of your readers asked what kind of person looks for a soul mate in the personal ads of a newspaper. Well, I can tell you. They are the losers, the damn fools, the morons and the desperate. I know what I am talking about because I was one of them. By the time I discovered the man I had been living with for three years was sleeping with my divorced sister, I had been tied up with the louse for so long that I no longer had any legitimate social contacts. So, I decided to try the personals.
After sifting through 55 responses, the one I settled on (and nearly married) turned out to be an ex-con -- a bigamist who was wanted in four states. From now on, I'm sticking with the squares I meet in church. They may not be exciting, but they are a heck of a lot safer. -- Sadder but Wiser
Dear Detroit: Sometimes we have to be "Sadder" before we become "Wiser." Thanks for the frank testimony.
Dear Ann Landers, I am a male, 49 years old. I lost my wife in an auto accident two years ago, and it has taken me until now to restart my life. A few weeks ago, I put a personal ad online, and one of the responses was from a 45-year-old woman. She seemed to be exactly what I wanted -- pretty, intelligent, independent and with a good sense of humor. The problem is, I think our relationship may be moving too fast.
When I placed my ad online, I had a game plan for finding someone to fill the empty spot in my life. I figured we would get to know each other through e-mail for two months. Then, we would start phoning each other for another month or so. Finally, we would meet for coffee, and if all went well, we would begin to date.
We are way ahead of the game plan. I'm afraid we might be setting ourselves up for a letdown if we move too quickly. I really like this woman a lot and don't want to mess things up, because she could be the one I've been waiting for. I have been trying to put the brakes on, but it's not easy. Please tell me what to do. -- Rich on the Computer
Dear Rich, It appears that you are doing just fine. Follow your instincts, but keep those brakes on. Introduce the woman to family and friends, and get their opinions. I'm hoping those bluebirds will sing for you again.
Dear Ann Landers, My best friend is slitting her wrists. I know she doesn't want to end her life, but whenever she has a bad day at school or problems at home, she cuts herself. The last time she did this, I threatened to tell her parents, but she pleaded with me to keep quiet and promised she would never do it again.
We are both 14. She is my best friend, and I want her to be happy and healthy. What can I do to help her? -- Just Me in Philadelphia
Dear Philadelphia, You must insist that your friend get some counseling at once. She should see the school nurse, the family doctor or her favorite teacher. Self-mutilation is a serious problem and requires immediate attention. Don't delay, and don't let her talk you out of it.
