Dear Ann Landers, Most of the world works by day and sleeps by night. But many people do their jobs while everyone else sleeps -- police officers, nurses, firefighters, waitresses, truck drivers, telephone operators, cab drivers, janitors, security guards and night-shift workers. I am a woman who manages a very busy bar, which means I work late hours six nights a week.
Some people have the crazy idea that I get paid to "party." Actually, I monitor the bartenders and have to decide which customers have had enough. I rarely get to sit down. Meanwhile, my husband seldom gets to stand up. "Mike" is a disc jockey. He is expected to be cheerful and funny and sound as if he is having a ball, even when he has a killer headache or the flu.
I get home around 4 a.m. Mike gets home about 5:30 a.m. We eat supper together and go to bed when the sun comes up. Then, the phone starts to ring. People think because we work at night, we have the whole day free. Some of our friends and family members have actually said, "You sure have it easy. You can sleep all day." Where do people get that nutty idea?
Night workers are just like everybody else. We spend eight hours at work, a couple of hours commuting and running errands, a few hours doing marketing, cooking and household chores, and if we are lucky, we get six or seven hours of sleep. Will you please say a few kind words for us night owls? We could use a little sympathy. -- Sleepless in New Orleans
Dear Sleepless, God bless you night owls. If it weren't for you, the world would come to a screeching halt at sundown. I'm a bit of a night owl myself -- preferring to work late into the night and sleep until noon. My energy level peaks around midnight. The phone is off the hook when I retire. If people think I'm "peculiar," I don't give a hoot.
Dear Ann Landers, I would like your help in eliminating a phrase from our vocabulary. It is "rule of thumb." This may seem innocuous to you, but the history of the phrase could make you change your mind.
Before enlightenment and more civilized thinking, there were rules regarding when and how a man could beat a woman. For example, he could not beat her on Sundays and was not allowed to beat her with a stick that was thicker than the breadth of his thumb. Hence the expression "rule of thumb."
I think we should eliminate that phrase from our vocabularies out of respect for the abused women of the world. Will you help? -- New Rules in Grand Forks, N.D.
Dear N.D., I don't recall ever having used that phrase, and now that I know the origin, I doubt that I ever will. Thanks for the info.
Dear Ann Landers, You have printed several letters about grown children who make no provisions for their later years because they expect their parents to leave them an inheritance. I thought you might enjoy this classified ad from the Everett, Wash., Herald. It appeared in Reader's Digest.
"Dick and Pegge's 50th anniversary party has been canceled due to lack of interest. They are now going around the world -- courtesy of their children's inheritance." -- L.K. in Chicago
Dear Chicago, Beautiful! I hope your letter will encourage more seniors to do the same. Many parents scrimp and save, denying themselves the small luxuries of life so they can leave something to children and grandchildren who, too often, neither deserve nor appreciate it.
Dear Ann Landers, I just read the letter from "Hey You" in Florida, whose mother-in-law wouldn't call her by name.
My own daughter has not called me "Mom" or anything else since she married 38 years ago, when she was 18. I have never heard her say she is sorry when she has been in the wrong. Nor does she ever say, "Please," or "Thank you." This is not the way she was raised. We see each other often, and she is not hostile. Can you explain this? -- Hey, You in California
Dear Hey, You, No, I cannot explain it. Sounds as if your daughter is angry about the way her life turned out and is just plain bitter. Why don't you ask her why she never calls you "Mom"? Tell her you would like that. It could be the beginning of a meaningful and long-overdue dialogue.
Dear Ann Landers, I live in a nice suburb and have two well-adjusted children, a 6-year-old boy and a 2-year-old girl. The problem is the 12-year-old boy who lives three doors away. He really is strange. I rarely see him with children his own age. He often plays with kids who are much younger than he is, including my own.
Other neighbors have mentioned this boy's peculiar and unpredictable nature. They do not trust him. He once bit a child and knocked another boy off his bicycle. Recently, I had a basketball hoop installed in our driveway. As soon as the hoop went up, the boy started to play there. After a week of showing up in our driveway, I told him he had to ring our bell and ask permission. After repeated attempts to get permission, with little success, he finally got the message. He then began peering in our windows like a Peeping Tom to see whether anyone was home so he could ring our bell. This spooked my wife.
Frankly, I don't want this boy around my house or my children. His father is a friendly guy but travels three weeks out of the month. His mother is cold and distant. Meanwhile, the boy continues to hang around our property.
Should I discuss my concern with the boy's father or simply continue to discourage his presence around our house? Please help. -- Worried Parent in Illinois
Dear Worried Parent, That child needs to be seen by a professional for evaluation. His behavior suggests that he has some problems that need attention. You should talk to the boy's father about your concerns, which sound legitimate to me. Meanwhile, make sure that an adult is present whenever he plays with your children.
