Dear Ann Landers,
I am 65 years old and the eldest sibling of five. This is my problem: My younger brother, Bill (number 3) came out of the closets a gay man about ten years ago. This didn't surprise me, I had suspected it for quite a while. All my family want our father to know, and I am against it. Our father is 87, raised in a small town all his life, and would be devastated to learn that he has a gay son. Bill seems to be indifferent. When Bill does visit, he leaves his partner home, which is out of state, and the family acts as if everything is normal. Dad is happy and I want him to stay that way. We all love and support Bill, but I need some advice on how to handle this with my siblings. - Concerned son

Dear Concerned,
I don't think Dad's age is the determinant here. Rather, it would be his attitude. Since there are five of you, has anyone ever heard him express an opinion on the subject? If not, maybe one of you could suss him out in a casual conversation about his views on same-sex partnerships. I agree that 87 is pretty up there to suddenly learn your son is gay, and that his small town history would support your position of not wanting to tell Dad. However, the key thing I derive from your letter is that Bill doesn't care one way or the other. I find it interesting that the majority of the sibs are pushing to out Bill to a very elderly man. I can't quite figure out why. Given Bill's indifference, and his partner's support in staying home during visits to dad, if I had to vote one way or the other, I'd vote with you.
- Margo