AnnLanders.com, Advice by Ann Landers - []
Mondays with Margo
Section: behavior, health-and-wellness, manners, relationships
 
 

Dear Margo,
Wonder if you could advise me:I had a falling out with a friend of 30 years. I am feeling betrayed by another friend. This friend secretly plans outings with the friend of 30 years. She feels the need to hide from me that she sees this friend of mine. This friend (the one I feel is betraying me) never knew the other woman until I introduced them to each other. Can you explain this to me? I feel hurt, even mad. - Catty

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Section: behavior, manners, relationships
 
 

Dear Margo,
We have a small house which I would like to keep uncluttered. The woman who cleans for us insist on buying us gifts which we don't need, and don't have room for. Since she's in the house on a regular basis, I feel like I need to display the items. However, the clutter really gets on my nerves. How can I approach her without hurting her feelings, and what can I do with the stuff I don't want? We do have a condo/office she doesn't visit. - Marge

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Section: family, health-and-wellness, marriage
 
 

Dear Margo,
My first wife passed away in 2008; we have an only child whom I am close to. I am re-married to a great lady and have spoken about my late wife many times to her. These discussions were prompted by my current wife. My current wife and son get along well and she also has 2 children. I should advise that her children are 20 & 22, and my son is 24 years old. The questions comes about where I should be buried at the end of my life. My son wants to have me with his mother and I would also like that, however I would also like to ask my current to be buried there. Is this appropriate? - Mark

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Section: manners, relationships, marriage
 
 

Dear Margo,
We live in New York but spend six months every year at our Florida home. We've been in Florida for 14 years and have made many friends. Our daughter is getting married this coming New Year's Eve in NY. We have 8 couples from Florida we'd love to have attend, but we don't want to invite them as it may be an imposition, a tough travel time because of the holidays , and we don't need gifts. Could we put a note in with their invitations saying we would absolutely love them to attend, but we also understand the expense and hassle of travel during the holiday season? And add "We hope you know your presence is the present." Thank you. DonDB

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Section: family, relationships, manners
 
 

Dear Margo,
I received an invitation a few weeks ago to a wedding for a cousin on my Father's side that I met once and haven't seen in 7 years. His Mom is my deceased/divorced Father's sister, and last saw her 7 years ago. My father's brother was very mean to my mom when we were last all together 7 years ago. We do not talk since my parents divorced when I was 3, and my mom raised me all by herself. I am looking into going to the wedding but it will be a plane ride, hotel room finding sitters for 3 children and a dog . The expense will be a few thousand dollars for family that I am not close to, but I feel guilty that maybe I should go. What do you think. Should I just send a gift and a note? - Sandy

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Section: relationships, marriage, work, children
 
 

Dear Margo,
I need advice. My husband is a Family Physician. In 2014 he decided he wanted to open his own practice. I was hesitant, but still worked my butt off to make it happen, acting as the business manager. Well, it didn't go well and in May 2018 he had to get a second job at another clinic to pay off bills from the failed venture. We almost went bankrupt. Times got very hard and still are, but we at least kept the house. He now has an opportunity to take a job in Australia that pays more than here, offers furnished housing, and transportation. (Paid vacation. Too. He has never had a paid vacation in his career, as US docs just don't get paid if they don't work.) ? I want to go. We have three girls who would be able to experience a new country for two years, not to mention the many short plane rides to experience places such as Fiji, New Zealand, Bali, and Thailand. ?He says absolutely not. He still has a core patient base of about 200 patients from his private practice that he sees as a concierge-style doc, and says he cannot leave them. He won't even discuss this with me without blowing up. I'm pissed off, thinking he is putting those patients ahead of me, his children, his family. I am quite bitter thinking about what we went through for his failed business venture, and how he won't even consider this opportunity. We have been married 25 years.??Advice, please? Mrs. X

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Section: behavior, children, family, marriage
 
 

Dear Margo,
Our only son married a wonderful woman last year. We love her dearly, the problem is, she doesn't love us. In fact she seems barely able to tolerate us since the wedding. I've tried my best to find out if my husband or I did or said something to offend her, but that doesn't seem to be the case. She was never overly warm and friendly, but now is bordering on rude to us. They live about 2 hours away and come "home" for weekends fairly often. They spend a few hours with us, usually arriving after my husband has gone to bed. then spend the rest of the weekend with her family. The few hours they are there, she barely speaks and gives one or two word answers to questions. Days later, I'll find out that there was a whole story that she could have given as an answer! I'm finding it heartbreaking that we are hearing about their lives from friends instead of them. This was never a problem with our son in the past. What can we do to mend this? - Sad MIL

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Section: behavior, family, marriage
 
 

Dear Margo,
My wife is an attractive woman of 65 and I am 68. We have been married for 2 years. Prior to a road trip with her 23 year old nephew, my wife mentioned that she was online searching for hotel rooms. Please note...rooms. When my wife returned from the three day trip, she informed me that she and her nephew shared a room to save money. We have both been very blessed financially and are well above average means. I have had no previous jealousy issues. Sharing a room with a child who is a nephew is cute and fun, but I have concerns about sharing a room with an adult nephew. Help please. - apkinga

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Section: family, aging, relationships, sexuality
 
 

Dear Margo,
I am 65 years old and the eldest sibling of five. This is my problem: My younger brother, Bill (number 3) came out of the closets a gay man about ten years ago. This didn't surprise me, I had suspected it for quite a while. All my family want our father to know, and I am against it. Our father is 87, raised in a small town all his life, and would be devastated to learn that he has a gay son. Bill seems to be indifferent. When Bill does visit, he leaves his partner home, which is out of state, and the family acts as if everything is normal. Dad is happy and I want him to stay that way. We all love and support Bill, but I need some advice on how to handle this with my siblings. - Concerned son

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-Ann Landers