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Section: manners, relationships, dating, family
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
Two years ago, I met a wonderful man, and we have been dating ever since. When "Bob" bought a home last May, he asked me to move in with him. I knew his mother would be moving in, too, but I thought it would be temporary. Well, it's been eight months, and she is still here. I cook, clean and do laundry, but she does everything over again, saying I didn't do a good job. She has peculiar eating habits, which makes it difficult for me to prepare a tasty meal that everyone can enjoy. When I try to cook something she can eat, she claims my cooking "doesn't taste right" and adds other ingredients or dilutes it with water. She also tells me I shouldn't use a mop on the floor because "it's not clean unless you get down on your hands and knees and scrub." I've told Bob several times that I am ready to pack up and leave, but he cries and begs me to stay. I honestly don't want to go, Ann. I really love the guy. Can you help me? -- Exasperated in Salem, Ore.

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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Section: general-health, manners
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
My wife has cancer. We have been battling it for six years, and short of a major miracle, she will die from it. I am not asking for sympathy. We are living our lives as fully as we can, and we are not shy about discussing all aspects of this battle when it comes to our children, friends and family. Here is my problem: I find it painful when friends say to her, "Get well soon." It hurts to hear these words. They sound so phony, as if she had a broken leg. My wife will NOT get well, soon or ever, for that matter, and everybody knows it, including her. I haven't said anything about this because I know these people mean well, but it makes me want to scream every time I hear it. These friends are important to us, and I don't want to offend them by telling them to stop saying that, so I'm hoping if you print my letter, it will help. - Granada Hills, Calif.

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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Section: sexuality, gender, marriage, mental-health
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
I want to respond to your column on cross-dressing. My dear husband of many years passed away suddenly. We had a good marriage, and I loved him with all my heart. After he died, I cleaned out his workshop, which was piled to the ceiling with projects he hadn't finished and stuff he had accumulated over the years. I seldom went in there unless I needed a hammer or screwdriver. While cleaning, I found evidence that my devoted, loving husband was a secret transvestite. There were dozens of boxes of women's clothing, underwear, shoes and wigs, and magazines about cross-dressing in the closet and on the shelves. Apparently, he had been engaging in this activity for a very long time. Our sex life was good, and I thought our marriage was solid, but now, I'm depressed and upset because I feel I was married to a man I didn't really know. It also makes me wonder if he had any gay friends and if he went beyond just dressing up. All the precious memories I had of my husband have been besmirched. I cannot talk to anyone about this because he was prominent in our community, and I don't want to tarnish his good name. I am just thankful our son and daughter didn't insist on helping me clean out their father's things. I refuse to let anyone give me a hand with his closets and bureau drawers because I would rather die than have it known he had this weird side to him. Please, Ann, warn your readers who have secrets like my husband to come clean with their families or make sure they don't leave any evidence behind. I am -- Devastated in Texas

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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Section: relationships, manners
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
I am a 20-year-old college student living with three other roommates the same age. One of our roommates, "Gloria," is causing a lot of problems for the rest of us. She is dating a married man. This isn't the first time she has been involved in an inappropriate relationship, but I didn't know about her entanglements until after we moved in together. The man Gloria is dating now is a lot older and has kids in their late 20s. He doesn't hide his cheating. In fact, he wants us to invite him over to "hang out." Gloria bragged about their sexual relationship, and his wife found out about it. She has been calling our house to see if her husband is here. Now, Gloria demands that we not answer the phone or, if we do, that we lie to the man's wife. We have lost all respect for Gloria and would like to kick her out, but none of us has the guts. I feel horrible for this man's family and do not want to be caught in a confrontation with his wife. Please give us some suggestions on how to handle this situation. -- Beside Ourselves in Oregon

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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Section: general-health
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
I am an emergency-room pediatrician and the father of four. I cannot emphasize strongly enough the importance of wearing a bicycle helmet. I frequently treat children in the emergency room who have escaped a major head injury because they were wearing a helmet. And, sadly, too often, I see children who have suffered serious, irreversible and tragic head injuries -- simply because they did NOT wear a helmet. Parents need to insist on helmets and make sure their children wear them every time they hop on a bicycle. My family and I certainly do. -- Bo Kennedy, emergency physician, St. Louis Children's Hospital

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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Section:
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
I am a 30-year-old married woman who is having a full-blown affair. I never thought this would happen to me. Before "Bob" and I were married last year, we were compatible and had similar interests. I was not in love with him, but we had been dating for six years. I was almost 30, and most of my friends were married. When Bob proposed, it seemed like the right thing to do. Immediately after the wedding, we began to fight. Bob goes out drinking every night, and I hate it. I have suggested counseling, but he won't go. We haven't made love for six months. Several weeks ago, I became friendly with a man at work. "Max" paid a lot of attention to me and built up my battered self-esteem. It didn't take long for me to start seeing him on the side. Max is 40 and has never been married. He says he can make me happy and feel fulfilled, and I know he is right. Max has asked me to leave Bob and marry him. I love Max, but I hesitate to throw away the long history I have with my husband. Also, I don't want to admit to my parents that my marriage is a failure. Another problem: Bob's mother is very ill, and I'm afraid a divorce would kill her. What should I do, Ann? I feel torn and trapped. I am in desperate need of advice. -- At Loose Ends in Pennsylvania

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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Section: children, relationships
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
My husband and I have been married for 12 years and are unable to have children. A year ago, my niece, "Nicole," became pregnant by her boyfriend, who then left her. She was 18. He was 20. When her boyfriend walked out, my husband and I offered to adopt the baby. Nicole said she wanted to put the experience behind her and agreed to the adoption. The papers were signed. We live in another city, so we invited Nicole to move in with us until the baby was born. I accompanied her to the obstetrician during her pregnancy, and my husband and I were with her when she gave birth to her son. Two days ago, Nicole's mother (my sister) called to say Nicole wants the baby back. It seems she and the ex-boyfriend have settled their differences and are going to be married. My sister matter-of-factly described the previous breakup as a "misunderstanding" and said the kids want to raise their son. Ann, there are no words to describe how we feel. We want to retain custody of our son, but we don't want to put him through a long and protracted custody battle. Do you have any advice? We are -- Living a Nightmare in New York State

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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Section: children, sexuality, money, relationships
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
I am a 26-year-old woman with a problem. When I was in high school, I cheated on my steady boyfriend with an older man. I discovered I was pregnant and was sure the older man was the father of the baby. Last December, after eight years of paying child support, the man requested a DNA test to determine paternity. I was stunned when it turned out that my daughter isn't his after all. Here's the real problem. When I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend asked if the baby was his, and I assured him it was not. That boyfriend is now happily married and has children. I have been married to a wonderful man for almost six years, and he wants to adopt my daughter. Should I try to contact my old boyfriend and disrupt his life by telling him he has a daughter? Part of me feels he is entitled to know, but another part worries that I would only mess up more lives. Please tell me what to do. -- Kitty in K.C.

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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Section: abuse, health-and-wellness, relationships, marriage, mental-health
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
You printed a letter from a woman whose husband beat her up on the street in front of their house. She wanted to know why no one came to her aid when she screamed for help. Well, there are two sides to every story. I have a neighbor who has been beaten up and seriously injured by the man she lives with, and I no longer call the police. The first time I heard her screaming, I almost broke my neck getting to the phone to call for help. Then, I knocked on her door, thinking my presence might prevent the situation from escalating. After the police came, she told them she didn't want to press charges, and that was the end of it. The second time, I heard screaming and breaking glass, and I again called the police. They arrested the man and took my neighbor to the hospital, where she had her jaw rewired and several stitches on her forehead. She refused to press charges. The next morning, her "live-in" was back in the house. That very night, he threw her down the outside concrete steps (all 15 of them), and I called the police. The woman spent several weeks in the hospital with both legs in casts. Guess what. Her live-in picked her up from the hospital and brought her home. As soon as the casts were off, he beat her up again. Now when she screams, I turn up the TV. The police are tired of coming, and I am tired of calling them. This woman needs help, but the police aren't the answer. Several neighbors have suggested that she get some counseling, but she insists that her boyfriend loves her and has promised it's going to get better. It's been nearly five years since I moved here. They are still together, and he is still beating her up. I am minding my own business. -- Gave Up in Pennsylvania

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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Section: behavior, marriage, mental-health, marriage, relationships
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
Two years ago, I was a married woman who became involved with a married man at work. At first, it was just flirting, but before long, we knew we were in love. It was exciting and wonderful. We finally decided to divorce our spouses and get married. What do I have today? My two children, who were once happy and well-adjusted, are now in therapy. I also have huge legal bills. My in-laws despise me because they see their grandchildren only twice a year. I have a husband who sits in a chair at night drinking beer and smoking cigarettes while I cook, clean and fold laundry. I wish I had used the effort I spent trying to hide my affair and put it to work saving my first marriage. I would have been a lot happier. Please print my letter so other married women will think before they start fooling around. -- Smart Too Late

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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