Dear Ann Landers, Several weeks ago, because neither my hus-band nor I had been sleeping well in our shared double bed, I moved into the guest room. Since then, he has hinted that he'd like me back in his bed, but I've been ignoring him. After 35 years of marriage, I'm tired of sex and prefer to sleep alone. Last week my husband told me that if I wasn't willing to be a wife to him in every sense of the word, he was going to leave. This is the same man who told me several years ago that when I'm in his bed I should know what to expect. I explained, for the 50th time, that I've lost interest in sex because our relationship is meaningless and empty and I no longer love him. He replied: That's ridiculous. A wife does not have the right to say no unless she has a good reason, and not feeling like it isn't good enough. He wants me to go for counseling so someone can help me under-stand. He says that if I go twice, he will go with me the third time. Ann, is it wrong for me to want control over my body and refuse to use it as a bargaining chip to keep a man I'm not sure I want? Am I being unreasonable when I refuse to have sex with him just because he's my husband? Please comment. -Ceiling Zero in Pa.
Dear Zero,
There's more trouble here than just your husband's sex-ual appetite. The real problems between you two are rooted elsewhere, and I suspect they are of long standing. Your husband sounds like a man who needs to control people. You say you aren't sure you want him. If you do, please tell me what for. Your marriage sounds like a nightmare. Ask yourself: Would your life be better with him or without him? If the answer is with him, get some counseling and hold him to his word to go with you the third time.
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