Dear Ann Landers,
I am 45 years old. My husband and I have been married for 26 years. We have three beautiful grandchildren. Our life hasn't been all peaches and cream, but for the last 13 years, I thought things were pretty OK. WAKE UP A N n SMELL THE IIIILLLL! 73 Hank is in the Army National Guard. He signed up when he was 30 years old. He is now 44. He was deployed in December 1990 for Desert Storm and was gone for six months. He returned in June, and things were fine until February. Then Hank developed some sores on his genitals. We went to see a doctor together, and the diagnosis was full-blown genital herpes. 1 accused him of being with someone while he was in the war, which he denied vehemently. Now I have found out that the first outbreak of herpes usually occurs 2 to 26 days after having had sex, which would mean Hank was with someone here in the States. We've been through a living hell ever since that visit to the doctor. I've contacted several other doctors and called the herpes hotline. The information I've been able to gather points to the same thing: Hank must have had sex with someone else. Of course, I was tested also. The reports were negative, which was no surprise to me, because I've never been with anyone else. Even Hank's sister, who is an R.N., wants to know why he won't fess up. I need to know the truth, no matter how much it will hurt. It's the lie that's killing me. Now I find myself questioning every move he makes. I love Hank very much and don't want to divorce this man. I need your help. -Trouble in Toledo

Dear Toledo,
My medical consultants say it is possible, though not likely, to get herpes through skin-to-skin contact that is nonsexual. Since you want desperately to keep your marriage together, go with the long shot and accept his word as the truth. I hope you have talked with your gynecologist about how to protect yourself from getting infected. If not, do so at once.