Dear Ann Landers,
henever I apologize my wife says, "You aren't really sorry. You are just saying you are sorry to get me off your back." I've even gotten down on my knees and she still says, "I can tell by your face you don't mean it." Last week she bolted the front door from the inside and I couldn't get in, so I went to a hotel. I told her I almost broke my hand pounding, but she insists I didn't knock at all and I was look-ing for an excuse to stay out all night. When I said, "I'm sorry," she said, "You are not. You are glad." Why are some women like this?-On The Defensive

Dear Defensive,
Because they can't bear to let a guy off the hook with a few sentences. They must keep the heat on in-definitely. Find a recording of that old song, "What Can I Say, Dear, After I Say I'm Sorry?" and play it at the appropriate time. It might appeal to her sense of humor-if she has one.