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Dear Ann Landers,
ecently a dearly loved, much-admired and re-spected man died. He was an ideal husband and father, a community leader, financially successful and the sort of person everyone looked up to. After his death, his wife and adult chil-dren went through his personal belong-ings-together. What they found was shattering and heartbreaking. They dis-covered a collection of pornographic magazines and books, stacks of ob-scene pictures and a suitcase filled with stag movies. The family is crushed. They now feel his life was a sham-that he was a hypocrite. No one can understand it. How could a person have kept his true character so completely hidden from those who were so close to him? A prurient interest in sex is as unlike this man as night is from day. Please ex-plain. STUNNED IN CONNECT-ICUT

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, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
-Ann Landers